


Spirit Warrior Hawke

by xxMad_Donaxx



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2017-12-12 21:10:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/816096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For this prompt on the Kmeme:</p><p>http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/9730.html?thread=40883714#t40883714</p><p>Anon wanted to see a Spirit Warrior Hawke who romanced Anders. This will probably span all three acts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Scene dialogue isn't going to be exact. I will only hit relevant ones and some of the spaces in between. For every scene not mentioned think diplomatic Hawke.

_9:18 Dragon Age, Gwaren_

Spencer Hawke sat among the trees near his house. They would be moving again soon but this time it was because of Bethany. It seems Father’s gift had been passed on, just not to him. The constant moving was annoying but tolerable. His family had only been in Gwaren for a few years. The longest they had stayed in one place so far was not quite four years in Highever. Father, and now Bethany too, had to stay ahead of the Templars and Spencer understood that.

It wasn’t Bethany’s magic or that Father now had to spend a lot of his time with her that was currently concerning him. He had been helping Mother with Carver and with the chores. Carver could be a handful to keep occupied sometimes and was worse today than most. Spencer watched while she hung clothes to dry and listened to his brother snoring loudly not far away. Close to nodding off himself, he was trying to figure out just what was troubling him. He leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes, hoping he would dream of her again and that she might help him.

She had never given him a name to call her by. This beautiful but ghostly woman who visited him sometimes in his sleep had never been aggressive. They most often just spoke about many things. She was curious and listened patiently to things he didn’t want to bother his parents about. Father and Mother both now had so much more to fear than before Spencer didn’t want to worry them with his undefined unease.

“You are troubled.”

He opened his eyes and smiled when he saw her approaching him through the trees. Her voice was always sort of sad but there was concern in it today. Spencer sat up straighter and ran a hand through his short red hair. She smoothed her skirts under her as she sat on a nearby stump, her long flowing hair moving with the gentle breeze he could feel on his tan cheeks.

“We’ll be moving soon,” he said folding his hands together in his lap. “Father doesn’t think anyone saw Bethany but…he says better to be safe.”

“Do you worry for your mage sister?” she asked.

“Well…yes but…Father stays hidden. He can teach her too but…,” Spencer paused for a moment in thought. “It’s not fair though…is it?”

“That you were not given this gift?”

“Oh no, not that at all,” he said shaking his head. “That they have to hide, that we have to keep moving, that they might be taken away, that Templars chase us instead of being at home with their own families…it’s just…”

She smiled warmly and folded her hands on her lap when he trailed off. “How noble of you, to think of your enemy’s discomfort.”

Spencer shrugged uncomfortably. “Father says it’s wrong to hate them. They have mothers and sisters too…that some are noble and do what’s right not just what they’re told to do. It’s…not fair though…why can’t they just leave us alone? I’m tired of moving…”

“You struggle with things beyond your few fleeting years,” she said smiling sadly. “I have seen the dreams of many others who do not question things as you do. Perhaps I can help.”

“Help?” Spencer said starting to feel nervous. “How?”

“Let me join with you. You will gain power so that you may protect your loved ones and I will see your world through you, so that perhaps I will understand your confusing race better.”

Spencer stood and backed away cautiously. “You’re not one of those demon things I’ve heard Father speak about are you? Is that why you won’t tell me your name?”

“I am no demon, child,” she said serenely. “I am a spirit and I have no name to give you. Your race intrigues me. Some of you are inflexible, set in your ways, but you are capable of great compassion as well.”

“Compassion?” he asked searching his memory for anything he remembered overhearing about spirits.

“Yes, when you care for everyone, feel their troubles as they do and desire to help them. You feel these things do you not?”

“Well…yes,” Spencer said watching her closely. She had not moved from her spot on the stump. Her hands were still folded in her lap and she looked up at him with the same warm but slightly sad smile that she always had.

He took a cautious step forward and sat back down, leaning against the tree like he had been previously. Spencer could sense nothing malicious about her. There was nothing he could remember about spirits specifically, only that Father had mentioned them a time or two recently. They were residents of the Fade, the Maker’s first children. He knew he was dreaming. It always seemed to be mid-morning when she came to him and always close to the house.

“Why me?” he asked curiously. “Wouldn’t it be easier for you to help Father or Bethany?”

“Yes,” she said. “They are already connected with this place. Your Father lacks what I seek and your sister is too young. Your dreams are like…” She paused thoughtfully, lifting her hands after a moment. A simple candle appeared in her hand, flame licking at the wick sticking out of the top. “Like this and I am like this little creature.” From her other hand she summoned a moth, white wings fluttering rapidly as it flew in crazy circles around the flame.

On one hand it was flattering to have caught the attention of a Fade resident despite his lack of magic. It was also frightening. If he could attract a spirit didn’t it stand to reason that he could attract a demon as well?

“Can I think about it for a bit?” he asked. The ability to actually help keep his family safe was very tempting but he wanted to know more about both spirits and demons before he accepted anything.

“Of course,” she said after blowing out the candle.

Spencer watched the moth flit away and when he looked back to the stump she was gone. The candle sat where she had been and he stood walking a short distance into the forest. He picked a nice sunny spot and lay down in it, ankles crossed and fingers laced together under his head. Watching the clouds drift by overhead, he cleared his mind hoping he would remember this dream.

When he woke, he did remember his conversation with the spirit like he often did. Over the next few days he asked his father many questions about spirits and demons. Malcolm Hawke answered them all, his dark brown eyes that Spencer had inherited going from curious to worried. Spencer smiled and assured his father that he was merely curious.

From what he had learned, she was most likely a spirit of Compassion. It was also a little odd to have attracted a spirit in the first place. They generally weren’t very interested in the humans or elves that visited the Fade in their dreams. He thought over her offer for a few more days before he finally made his decision. Spencer fell asleep that night in his bed and opened his eyes in the same spot in the forest, not far from the house. The sun sat close to the eastern horizon as usual when he stood looking for her.

“Compassion!” he called out.

“You have made a decision,” she stated calmly stepping out of the forest to his right.

“I have,” Spencer said nervously. “I’ll do it.”

“Take my hand,” she said smiling warmly. “Do not be afraid.”

Compassion extended her arm towards him, palm up and waited patiently. Spencer stepped forward, still nervous, but the desire to help his family drove him on. He placed his hand atop hers and was suddenly surrounded in the soft blue glow that gave her the ghostly appearance. The next second he was being shaken awake. Spencer looked up at his father. His eyes were frightened and suddenly he was sitting up with his strong arms around him.

“What have you done, boy,” Malcolm Hawke said in a harsh but worried whisper.

“She was a spirit…of compassion I think,” Spencer said now worried from his father’s reaction. “I promise…she only wanted to help.”

“What did she promise you?” he asked.

“I don’t think she actually promised me anything,” said Spencer throwing his arms around Malcolm. “She said I’d have powers…to help you protect us…”

“Malcolm?” his mother said questioningly from the doorway of his room he shared with Carver.

Spencer peered around his father and saw them, Leandra looking frightened. Carver stood wide-eyed behind her, peering around her leg and clutching her nightdress.

“It’s all right Leandra,” he said confidently. “I didn’t think this was possible. I’ll have to speak with the Collective tomorrow while you begin packing. We leave by week’s end.”


	2. Chapter 2

_9:20 Dragon Age, Pilgrim’s Path_

Mother and Bethany were in the wagon loaded with their possessions. Carver sulked as he walked next to them. Spencer could feel his accusatory glares as he walked beside his father next to the oxen that pulled the wagon. This move was his fault and he tried his best not to sulk like Carver was.

They had been in the Arling of Amaranthine, working the land for Lord Eddelbrek. He hadn’t had much luck in figuring out the abilities Compassion had given him. Since that night Spencer had been included in most of Bethany’s lessons but Father was having no luck helping him learn them either.

Most of the time, he was unaware of her presence. There were feelings every once in a while he was positive weren’t his. He still saw her every now and then in his dreams but not very often. Spencer knew part of the sadness he felt was from her. Compassion had inadvertently caused what she’d wanted to help him with. Despite this new problem and his difficulty with learning what she’d given him, Spencer didn’t really regret his decision.

There had been plenty of scolding the morning after that night but almost none, about that at least, since. He had not been scolded about the incident that had caused their sudden departure. Malcolm hadn’t even been at the farm when Spencer had let off a wave of some sort while he practiced his swordsmanship with a few other teenagers that lived close by.

They had all backed away from him and one had run towards his home shouting ‘apostate’. Spencer had been confused to start with, wondering what he’d done and how, but was frightened after hearing that. He’d looked around for Bethany and was a little horrified after he realized that the boy had been talking about him.

Spencer had run home and hurriedly explained what had happened to Mother. She had set the three of them to packing immediately. When a pair of frightened parents had come to their door demanding that he be turned over to Templars in Amaranthine, Leandra had sent them back home with nothing more than harsh words and a broom. He knew that they would return however. It was still sort of unbelievable that they would want him instead of one of the two actual apostates in the house.

Malcolm had merely sighed when he returned home to find the wagon already half-full. That had been four days ago. During those four days of nearly constant travel, Spencer couldn’t decide what was worse. His mother’s worried glances or his eight year-old sibling’s overly sympathetic and overly angry looks. Spencer had spent a lot of his time walking beside his calm father.

He had grown a lot the last two years and could almost look his father in the eye. Working the fields and his sword training had thickened the muscles of his chest, arms and legs. His voice had deepened and he had even needed to start shaving off patchy growths of hair along his jaw.

“The Collective has finally found something that might help us,” Malcolm said suddenly from beside him.

“Help us how?” Spencer asked curious despite his glum mood.

“A book that may be able to help us figure out what your spirit has given you,” he answered calmly. “If we can learn that then you will be better able to control it, so this doesn’t happen again.”

“I’m sorry Father,” said Spencer quietly.

“It’s all right son,” Malcolm said evenly. “You’ll need to be more careful from now on. If others think that you’re a mage then Templars won’t think twice about hauling you to the Circle. Keep that in mind.”

“I will.”

_9:23 Dragon Age, Lothering_

The house was still a mess with crates and bags of all of their things scattered around. After a brief stop in Denerim to retrieve the book Malcolm had mentioned, they had gone on to Honnleath. Their latest move actually had nothing to do with either of the mages or Spencer. He wasn’t entirely sure why they had moved but so far Lothering was pleasant enough.

Spencer and Malcolm had spent many hours reading through that book. It had helped immensely. There were still things to learn but he felt much better about being able to control them. Bethany was also becoming quite an adept mage and he had hopes that perhaps they had moved for the last time.

His job at the moment was helping Father and Carver plant the crops that would be their livelihood while Mother and Bethany made sense of the house. Spencer was still expected to help with them but planned on making use of the Chanter’s Board. Like his father and sister, Spencer was leery around Templars but the board would offer opportunities to hone his abilities and his skills with a sword and shield. It would also bring in more coin which never hurt with two hungry boys to feed.

_9:26 Dragon Age, Lothering_

Father has taken ill and Spencer shouldered his burden without complaint. Bethany has been studying healing magic recently in an attempt to help Malcolm. He wasn’t sure it would do any good however. Spencer was afraid that their father was fading. He was weak, often leaning on his staff and winded after a few steps. Malcolm wasn’t bedridden yet but he feared the day would be soon in coming.

The Chanter’s Board had proved very useful. Spencer was now confident with his skills. The coin these odd jobs provided were always welcome but he was also helping people. He did for them what they were unable to do themselves and it was satisfying. With Father so ill, Spencer had less time to help them make their lives better but managed to sneak some odd jobs in anyway.

_9:27 Dragon Age, Lothering_

Malcolm Hawke passed quietly in his sleep, leaving behind his wife, two sons and one daughter. Most of the village had turned out to offer condolences the day the pyre was set aflame. Spencer grieved along with his mother and siblings but he was also grateful. It was hard watching him deteriorate, seeing the pain he was in and unable to help him in any way. He would miss Father greatly but he was also glad that the suffering was over.

_9:30 Dragon Age, Ostagar_

There had been rumors of creatures appearing in the Korcari Wilds to the south before the King’s call to arms had come. The stories came up with the Chasind, who brought horrifying tales of wanton death and destruction. Soon it was thought that they were darkspawn, creatures thought to be wiped out at the end of the last blight.

Spencer had watched King Cailan march through with Teryn Loghain. More whispers that some of the men with them were Grey Wardens, marching for the old fortress at Ostagar. Apprehension filled the village, made worse when the King’s man called for able young men and women to defend their country. Spencer and Carver hadn’t hesitated.

The creatures would follow the Chasind north, putting Lothering directly in their deadly path. Mother hadn’t wanted them to go but neither of her sons would consider leaving as they had so many times before. Lothering had become their home, the longest they had spent in one place. Spencer was certain this was why Carver volunteered. He had wanted to save their home as well but there was a little more to it for Spencer.

He could do nothing for the displaced Chasind, their home was already gone. Spencer felt for them but had no wish for the rest of southern Ferelden to join them. If the darkspawn weren’t stopped at Ostagar it would be much harder to turn them back.

The battle had been a disaster. There was hope when the signal fire at the Tower of Ishal had flared. It was quickly replaced by despair when the Teryn’s flanking charge never came. The King had fallen and his army routed, Spencer had fled with a heavy heart. He found Carver miraculously alive and they ran for home, their only thoughts getting Mother and Bethany out before the darkspawn caught up to them.


	3. Chapter 3

_9:30 Dragon Age, Outside of Lothering_

“Stay back apostates,” the Templar said in a shaking voice.

His sword point wavered as he took a step backward. The ginger haired swordswoman looked almost as frustrated with him as Spencer was.

“I am not a mage,” Spencer said calmly as he stepped in front of Bethany.

“My duty is clear,” he said his voice wavering as much as his sword. “The order dictates…”

“Wesley,” the woman interrupted quietly. “They saved us. I’m sure the Maker understands. We need to worry about the darkspawn.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” Wesley said finally sheathing his sword.

“Can you do anything for that wound Bethany?” Spencer asked without taking his eyes off of the Templar. “We’ll need every sword we can get if the darkspawn catch us.”

“You’re not from Lothering,” Bethany said as she stepped around Spencer.

He ignored Carver’s glare and Mother’s worried look. Spencer watched the two of them closely as Bethany cast the healing spell.

“No,” Wesley said. “I was passing through on my way to Denerim. I turned south when I heard of the darkspawn.”

“Foolishly,” the ginger said disapprovingly. She turned to Spencer and offered her hand. “Aveline Vallen. This is my husband Wesley. Thank you for aiding us.”

“Spencer Hawke,” he said taking her hand. Her grip was firm and unafraid. “My brother Carver, my sister Bethany, and my mother Leandra. You’re welcome.”

“That’s the best I can do,” Bethany said apologetically as she stepped away.

“Thank you for your effort,” Wesley said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to fight in this condition.”

“You’ll have my sword,” Aveline said determinedly. “The hoard is in that direction. What have you left behind?”

“More darkspawn than I care to count,” Spencer said ominously.

“Perfect,” Carver grumbled. “Surrounded by darkspawn. How are we supposed to get to Gwaren?”

“We’ll head east and hope,” said Spencer. “We have to stay ahead of them.”

Spencer began walking, trying to look more confident than he felt. They had gotten to Lothering with the darkspawn on their heels. If they had gotten lost once it would have been too late for Mother and Bethany. He wasn’t thrilled with their destination but since they had family in Kirkwall there wasn’t much choice. How many Templars the city held would matter little if they couldn’t get away from the darkspawn however. One more sword against them was very welcome.

Wesley fell back with Leandra and Bethany. Carver brought up the rear, looking over his shoulder constantly, wary for an attack from behind. Aveline fell into step beside him and they scanned the way ahead together.

“If you’re not a mage then what are you?” she asked after a short amount of time had passed. “In all my years I’ve never seen the things you did.”

“I’m a Spirit Warrior,” Spencer answered calmly. He had been expecting this question. “When I was thirteen I took a spirit of Compassion into myself. I’m not a mage but a warrior. I cannot cast magic but the abilities I gain from her seem like magic.”

“You’re possessed?” Aveline asked sharply with a startled glance at him.

“Spirits are not demons,” Spencer said. “Haven’t I already proven myself?”

“I suppose you have,” she said passively.

Spencer held in a sigh. This had been explained to his superiors more than a few times. He knew he would have to be very careful in Kirkwall because of the many Templars there. The Templars at Ostagar had wanted him in the mage camp but they were politely refused. Spencer had been needed to fight the darkspawn but in the end it had mattered little. They still had to get out of Lothering for the Templars to matter at all.

_9:30 Dragon Age, Waking Sea_

In the hold of the ship they had gained passage on, Spencer lay on the hard wooden floor. His mother lay on one side and Bethany on the other with Aveline sitting not far away. Wesley had contracted the blight sickness. He watched as Aveline took her husband’s life, still reeling from Carver’s death and a deal with the Witch of the Wilds he’d been forced into.

Flemeth had upheld her end of the bargain, flying them to Gwaren where they boarded a ship for Kirkwall the next day. Now they huddled together in the belly of the ship homeless and penniless but safe at least. Spencer slept, missing Carver awfully, and he dreamt.

They were at the house in Lothering. Spencer sat on his bed in his nightshirt, knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. Compassion sat next to him, one ethereal arm around his shoulder and the other wrapped around front. He could feel her head resting on one broad shoulder, her hair brushing against his smooth jawline. She brushed away the tears that made their way silently down his cheeks every so often.

He rarely dreamed of her anymore but it didn’t surprise him that she was here now. She felt his grief as he did, the evidence soaking into his shirt every now and then. Carver’s death was noble, but needless. It would have taken moments for him to get Leandra out of the ogre’s path. Instead he had turned its wrath upon himself, saving their mother but giving his life in the process. Spencer wasn’t angry with him. He was sad beyond measure that his cranky little brother was gone.

There were no soothing words from either of them. He took comfort in her embrace, her presence familiar. Spencer grieved with Compassion, so that they might offer comfort to Mother and Bethany. He would offer Aveline a shoulder to cry on as well but like him, her grief was private.

_9:30 Dragon Age, Gallows_

The choice before him was a wretched one, much like this courtyard they’d spent almost four days in. Spencer and Bethany had been promised to either Meeran or Athenril for a year to get the four of them into Kirkwall. If that wasn’t enough, both of them knew that Bethany was a mage. That they were willing to keep the Templars away was a small comfort.

Being forced into a year of work with nothing to show for it bothered him but the type of work they did bothered him more. Mercenaries often had no scruples, doing terrible things for whoever offered the most coin. Smugglers were little better. He was tempted to walk away, go further inland. Somewhere that wasn’t already inundated with Fereldan refugees. Spencer knew they couldn’t however. Besides his obligation to Flemeth they had no coin to get anywhere else. Kirkwall was their best chance.

“What do you think Bethany?” Spencer asked quietly after pulling them away from their mother and uncle.

“Does it matter?” she said tiredly. “We’ll have at least a year to think of a way to stay ahead of the Templars.”

Spencer frowned in thought. Aveline didn’t seem to approve of the smugglers but since the decision was being left to him, that’s where he was leaning. He wouldn’t like the things he’d be doing but Athenril seemed to have some morals. As much as he didn’t care for it, this would get them all into Kirkwall. Aveline wouldn’t be working with them but she was being included as well. After what they’d been through she felt a part of the family.

“Let’s go talk to Athenril,” Spencer said still frowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, caught up to the kmeme. =)


	4. Chapter 4

_9:31 Dragon Age, Merchants Guild_

“Thanks,” said Spencer as he caught his coin pouch.

The dwarf approached him and Bethany spinning a bolt through his fingers. “Varric Tethras. I may have an opportunity for you. We could really use someone like you on the expedition.”

“How can you know me,” Spencer asked cautiously. “We’ve just met.”

“The name Hawke has been on the tip of quite a few tongues,” said Varric smiling.

“What have you heard?” he said exchanging a worried glance with Bethany.

“Only that you’re skilled, that you can get things done and that you’ve got a reputation as a nice guy,” Varric said gesturing with the bolt before tucking it away. “Not really sure why Athenril would turn you loose but…” He finished with a shrug and a toothy grin.

“She didn’t have much choice,” Spencer said carefully. He had never seen a dwarven Templar but being cautious was ingrained by now. “What sort of skills?”

“Skills with that sword, diplomacy and a few…mystical oddities that no one can explain.”

“I’m not a mage,” Spencer said a little irritably. He was careful about who was watching when he used the abilities Compassion had given him, there were entirely too many Templars here not to be. Someone must have seen and talked however. It only made their situation a little more delicate.

Varric held his hands up and said in a placating tone, “You’re secret’s safe with me. Are you interested?”

“Bartrand already turned us down,” Spencer said hoping he could trust the dwarf.

“Bartrand wouldn’t know an opportunity if it hit him in the face,” Varric chuckled. “We don’t need another hired sword. We need a partner. Our information is good but Bartrand’s been tearing his beard out trying to fund the expedition. You provide fifty sovereigns and I’ll convince him to let you in.”

The small amount of hope he found withered as Spencer shook his head. “We don’t have that kind of coin.”

“Kirkwall is full of jobs if you know where to look,” Varric said. “You save some coin from every one and you’ll have fifty in no time.”

“How do I find these jobs?” asked Spencer. He had already looked at the Chanters board. It was truly pathetic compared to the one in Lothering which he found a little confusing. Kirkwall was much bigger and there should have been more opportunities on the board not less.

“I can spot a few in the market from here,” Varric said with another toothy grin. “I can also get us some work.”

“Us?” said Spencer feeling a little confused. “You’re already in the expedition, why would you help us?”

“I have a vested interest in seeing this little jaunt underground succeed,” he answered seriously. “I know everyone in Kirkwall worth knowing and even if you don’t need information, there’s always Bianca.” Varric patted the stock of his crossbow.

Spencer shook his head slightly, deciding he didn’t want to know why this dwarf had named his crossbow and turned to Bethany beside him. “What do you think?” he asked quietly.

“This expedition is our last chance,” she said with a little frown. “Surely we can make some coin…maybe Aveline has something for us.”

Spencer nodded as he turned back to Varric. “All right, let’s get to work.”

_A few days later, Gameln’s Hovel_

So far Varric had been as good as his word. They had several jobs lined up for the next few weeks including finding a Grey Warden who supposedly had maps of the Deep Roads in the area. Bethany had come to him after a heated discussion with Gamlen a day ago with keys to the Amell Estate basement. Spencer also wanted to know what their Uncle was trying to hide but that would have to wait a few days.

Getting the Deep Roads maps was important to the success of the expedition. Spencer wanted to find the will of their grandfather hoping Mother would find a little peace. There was something else that needed to be done first however. He sat on his bed turning the amulet Flemeth had given him over in his hands.

Aveline had joined the guard soon after they had been let inside of the city. She would soon be Guard Captain. Her little task had been both profitable and helpful. The previous Guard Captain had been selling information and sacrificing his men in the process. Spencer could think of no one more suited to the task then Aveline. She cared about her fellow guardsmen and hopefully there would be no more incidents of treachery.

She had a few free days coming in the near future and Spencer had already asked her to go to Sundermount with him and Bethany. He was planning on asking Varric to go with them as well. The dwarf was truly deadly with that crossbow of his. Spencer had had this amulet for far too long and he wanted his end of the bargain done.

There was also a group of mercenaries hiding on Sundermount that should be dealt with. A reward had been offered for them by a man named Sebastian Vael. He was apparently the third son of Starkhaven royalty. These mercenaries had murdered his entire family and Spencer felt for him deeply. Because this man was also a Brother of the Chantry he didn’t doubt the validity of the claim and such thugs should be dealt with swiftly so that no more would be hurt.

They would head up the mountain tomorrow to find the Dalish and deal with these mercenaries.

_Sundermount_

Despite the terrible things that haunted this mountain it was truly beautiful. The mercenaries had been a simple matter but the Dalish were a different story. They wouldn’t even let them into their camp until he’d told them why he needed to see the Keeper. It was worrisome that they had somehow known of his task for Flemeth but irritating that he’d had to show them the blighted amulet to be able to enter because they had thought he would be an elf.

After a long discussion with Keeper Marithari she sent them up the mountain with her First, a delightful elf named Merrill. As friendly as she was Spencer was a little concerned about her. She was in training to become the next Keeper of this clan but she was also being banished from it. Marithari had insisted that he take her to Kirkwall when they left. That she was a mage would only mean danger for her and it also bothered him that she wasn’t forthcoming on why she was being sent away.

Merrill’s magic had been very helpful against the undead and large spiders they had come across in the caves. A barrier now prevented them from entering the graveyard they needed to go through. Spencer could see no obvious way to deactivate it and had asked Varric to search for a hidden mechanism. He could find none. Bethany was also at a loss and Aveline just seemed a little impatient.

“I can get us through,” Merrill said with a nervous smile.

Spencer stepped back wondering why she had drawn her dagger. Merrill stood still for a moment then sliced her palm open, stepping forward with her hands outstretched in front of her. His vision clouded blue as he realized what she had done.

“Spencer,” Bethany hissed urgently in his ear.

The barrier shattered and Merrill turned to him, her eyes going wide as she saw him, before his vision cleared. Spencer was horrified that she had performed a summoning, accepted a demon’s deal. Compassion was concerned. The spirit didn’t like seeing blood mages or her nastier kin from the Fade. Dealing with a demon generally didn’t end well for the mages who accepted their twisted deals and she worried for this mage.

Silence filled the little clearing on the mountain top. Aveline stood off to one side with Varric, hand on her sword waiting patiently to see if either of them would become abominations. The dwarf was calm as he watched, looking like he was taking notes in his head. It was Bethany who broke the silence.

“Blood magic.”

“Yes,” Merrill said almost defiantly. “He helped us didn’t he?”

“Demons don’t help,” Spencer said trying to keep his voice even. He wanted to shout and Compassion wanted to plead. “You’re being used.”

Merrill looked confused for a moment which was quickly replaced with annoyance. “I hardly think you have any right to lecture.”

“I am possessed by a spirit of compassion,” Spencer said calmly. “Not a demon. I wasn’t trying to lecture you, just telling you the facts. Demon’s only care for what they can get out of you. It’s dangerous to deal with them.”

“All Fade spirits are dangerous,” Merrill said. “I’m very careful with him.”

Spencer took a deep breath, promising Compassion that they would try and save her from her choices. Patience was needed, to find out why and hopefully change her mind on what Merrill clearly saw as a necessity. There would be plenty of time after they brought her to Kirkwall.

“We can discuss this later,” Spencer said warmly. “Let’s finish this rite and then we’ll head back to Kirkwall.”

Her surprise was quickly hidden behind an open smile.


	5. Chapter 5

_9:31 Dragon Age, Darktown_

The day after Merrill was settled in the Alienage, she accompanied Spencer, Bethany and Varric to Lirene’s shop. Spencer had known about this little place. He often left what he could spare in the offering basket. Helping the refugees that hadn’t been able to do as well as they had felt almost like a duty. Even though coin was tight he couldn’t help leaving a few silvers in the basket as they left.

He had also heard rumors about the Darktown Healer. Spencer had always wanted to find out if the rumors were true, that a mage holed up in the worst area of the city healed anyone who walked through his door. Circumstance had prevented it before but that’s where they were headed now. It seemed the Healer was also the Grey Warden they sought.

If the reactions of the Fereldan refugees were any indication, this particular mage was well protected. Even after calming them in Lowtown, Spencer was still receiving wary looks and some openly watched them as they made their way through the muck lined streets of Darktown. A good set of directions from Lirene led them through the pathways to an odd staircase that first went down and then back up a few feet later.

“Look Spencer, I think that’s it. The door Mother spoke of,” Bethany said quietly. She pointed to a doorway to their left. There was clutter around it that would have to be moved if they wanted to find their grandfather’s will.

“We’ll have to come back later,” Spencer answered turning back to the twin doors ahead of them. A lamp set between them was lit, telling him that the Grey Warden Healer was inside.

Spencer stepped through the right hand door and stopped a short way inside. There was a desk that had seen better days to his right, cots strewn about in various states of disrepair, an area in the very back that had been curtained off and people standing or sitting about the room. He saw these things in his first cursory glance but his attention was taken immediately by the scene in the middle of the room.

A young boy lay on a cot, no more than twelve or thirteen, his parents standing anxiously beside him. The Healer, the soft blue of healing surrounding his hands as he worked, eyes closed in concentration. He was dressed mostly in white, feathered pauldrons at his shoulders, reddish blonde hair tied back away from his face, as tall as Spencer was but slender and he was completely enraptured by this mage.

The boy gasped and the magic faded. The mage took a shaky step backwards and turned to lean on one of the pillars in the largish room. Spencer took a concerned step forward but Bethany’s hand on his shoulder kept him from going further. Thankfully the boy’s father stepped around the cot to check on him. They spoke quietly for a moment, the father patting his shoulder before moving back to his son now sitting up on the cot. A heartbeat later the mage turned to Spencer, staff in hand, ready to attack.

“I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?”

“Not threaten,” Spencer said holding his hands up. “I want to help you…umm need your help rather.”

“Do I know you?” he asked standing upright. There was a puzzled look on his face, his amber eyes seeming to stare into Spencer’s soul. “You seem…familiar…”

His eyes glazed blue for a split second as he said ‘familiar’. If Spencer hadn’t been watching him closely he would have missed it. Now he understood the strange tug from Compassion. She sensed one of her own, coming from the man in front of him. He wondered if his eyes turned that color when Compassion asserted herself.

“I don’t believe so,” Spencer said smiling. “We’re part of an expedition to the Deep Roads. There are rumors that you have maps that may help us.”

“Forget it,” he said strapping his staff to his back. “I hate the bighted Deep Roads. If you’re smart you’ll never set foot in them.”

“I can’t,” said Spencer quietly stepping forward. “It’s our last chance to stay free of the Circle. Please…we need those maps.”

“Free…” he murmured. His gaze moved over Spencer’s shoulder to his companions behind him, lingering on Bethany and Merrill almost certainly, before turning back to him. “Help me free a friend from the Gallows and the maps are yours.”

“Absolutely,” Spencer said. “I hope you have a way in.”

“I managed to get him a letter,” he said calmly. “He should be at the Chantry tonight. Meet me there.”

“Spencer Hawke.” He held his hand out to the mage and he gripped it without hesitation. A shiver went up his spine. “I’ll be there.”

“Anders,” he said looking distracted and gazing at their joined hands before searching his eyes again. “There’s something about you…” he murmured.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Spencer said quietly. “I’ll see you later tonight, at the Chantry.”

Anders gave him another curiously puzzled look as Spencer turned away. He ignored the strange feeling of butterflies in his stomach as he started back to the door. Bethany and Merrill looked curious but Varric arched an eyebrow at him.

“Is he going to give us the maps?” he asked quietly as Spencer approached.

“We have to help him free his friend first,” Spencer said just as quietly without stopping. “We need to meet him at the Chantry tonight.”

“So it’s back home to get some rest?” Bethany asked as they followed him out the door.

“I was thinking we could see about getting into the Amell basement,” Spencer said calmly walking over to it. “Wear ourselves out a little first.”

“What’s the Chantry like?” Merrill asked. “I’ve never been to one.”

“It’s pretty deserted at night,” Spencer said turning to face them. “If you want to come with tonight you’ll at least have been inside it.”

Merrill nodded happily and proceeded to quiz Bethany while the rubble was moved. Spencer did his best to put the spirit possessed mage out of his mind for the moment.

_The early hours of the morning, Anders’ Clinic_

The lamp was unlit but Spencer found the door opened anyway. Varric had been left at the Hanged Man and Bethany at Gamlen’s hovel. He had then escorted Merrill back to her house in the Alienage. Anders had disappeared soon after they escaped the Chantry but not before giving Spencer a knowing look.

Anders sat on a cot in the middle of the room, elbows resting on his knees and his face held in his hands. There was an audible sigh as the mage scrubbed his face, stubble rasping in the quiet, before sitting upright. His eyes were a little red but that was to be expected. Spencer could easily pick out the blood on his coat sleeve.

“I knew you’d show up,” he said softly. “You knew earlier didn’t you…Spirit Warrior.”

“Yes,” Spencer said standing by the closed door. He resisted the powerful urge to comfort. His friend had been Tranquil. Attacked by Templars, it had been a set up to capture Anders. His spirit had made itself known, somehow giving his friend a few minutes of clarity. Karl had begged to be killed and Anders had given him the peace he wanted.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Anders asked.

“I imagine for many of the same reasons you didn’t,” Spencer said.

He nodded silently, thoughtfully, before gesturing to another cot that sat near him. “Justice,” he said with a small smile.

“Compassion,” said Spencer smiling as well. He finally moved further into the room to sit on one of the cots.

“How did it happen?” Anders asked curiously.

They talked long into the night. Spencer slept for a few hours on one of the cots, leaving with a promise of the maps and an offer to call on him when needed.


	6. Chapter 6

_9:31 Dragon Age, Gamlen’s Hovel_

Spencer almost couldn’t wait to get out of this hovel. His Uncle Gamlen was the first person he and Compassion were at odds over. He didn’t like Gamlen and thought the man had gotten exactly what he deserved. Not only had he sold Spencer and Bethany into a year of servitude, he had essentially stolen his mother’s birthright then squandered it. He understood why Compassion pitied Gamlen but he just couldn’t. It had to have been hard for him always being second. Gamlen had chosen money over family, and to Spencer that was simply the worst.

He sat in his room that he shared with Bethany, counting the coins and adding another handful. There was nowhere near enough to fund the expedition but the total was slowly growing. With more jobs lined up and the last group of mercenaries found and killed for Sebastian Vael there would be more coin in his hidden jar soon. Spencer put the jar back under the loose board and replaced it then moved a chest of his things over it.

Standing up he sighed and sat on the chest. There was still time before he had to meet someone about a job. It seemed very shady and he had been reluctant to even meet this dwarf. Bethany had convinced him that they needed the coin badly, no matter how shady the job seemed. They had done more than a few things Spencer wasn’t comfortable with while employed with Athenril.

Varric had agreed to go with him and Bethany but he wanted one more person. Because it seemed like something Aveline wouldn’t like he was very reluctant to ask her. That left Merrill and Anders. Time was growing short to ask either of them and Spencer left Gamlen’s hovel not knowing exactly which direction he would go in. Bethany was waiting for him at the Hanged Man with Varric. When he arrived there they would likely leave to see what it was this dwarf needed.

Spencer wouldn’t mind spending time with both of them. Merrill was cheerful despite her confusion with Kirkwall in general. She had been fairly tight-lipped on the subject of her blood magic however and to a certain extent why she’d been sent to Kirkwall in the first place. It was going to take him a while to earn her trust. After one night he knew more about Anders than he did Merrill.

The mage’s story was tragic and Spencer admired his determination. Since their first night he had spent some of his free time in the clinic helping how he could. He’d only brought the healer along on one of his odd jobs, trying to find a woman named Ninette for her rather distasteful husband. It had been far too late for Anders to help her but his healing abilities had been a big help to them during the fighting that had occurred.

Even though Spencer didn’t like taking Anders away from his clinic, he turned in the direction of Darktown anyway. Given the shadowy nature of this possible job his healing would be a boon to them and it was late enough there shouldn’t be very many patients. That he simply wanted to be around the possessed mage was at the bottom of his list of reasons.

_Near Dawn, Outside Danarius’s Manor_

Anso had been another middle man. The property had turned out to be an interesting elf from Tevinter, a slave fleeing his former master. Spencer had agreed to help him despite the trick. He knew what it was like being chased and living in fear of others. The lyrium tattoos gave Fenris some abilities that were very similar to his. Spencer couldn’t pluck a man’s heart out of his chest however. In all he considered taking in a spirit to be much safer than having lyrium embedded into one’s skin.

Bethany had stayed at home when they had gone to Hightown to rid Fenris of his former master. Spencer was very glad she wasn’t here now and extremely relieved that Justice had remained passive. After taking a few things that could be sold for coin they had joined Fenris outside of the run-down manner only to find Fenris in a foul mood and telling him that he had a viper among them with a glare directed at Anders.

“And just what are you?” Fenris continued turning his glare on Spencer. “You wield a sword and wear armor yet cast spells like a mage.”

“He’s a healer and a Grey Warden,” Spencer said irritably. “Anders has more than proven himself to me and I _am not_ a mage. My abilities come from the Spirit of Compassion that I accepted years ago. You didn’t seem to have a problem with either one of us when we were surrounded by shades.”

Fenris clamped his mouth shut and took a step backwards. From his time with Athenril, it was a reaction Spencer was all too familiar with. “Fine,” he said with a scowl directed at the elf. He turned and stalked a few feet towards the stairs, fairly certain that Anders and Varric were following when Fenris called after him.

“Wait. I know I seem ungrateful,” he said when Spencer turned. Anders snorted beside him but he remained silent. “I couldn’t have done this without your help.”

“You’re welcome,” Spencer said still very annoyed. He took a few steps closer and spoke quietly to the elf. “I’ve been possessed since I was thirteen. At fifteen I was accused of being an apostate for the first time. I’ve spent every moment since hiding from Templars who would take my freedom or my life simply because they don’t make an effort to understand me. I helped you because _everyone_ deserves to be free mage or not.”

“Mages cannot be trusted,” Fenris said firmly. “They will all succumb to the temptation of power.”

“Spare me,” Spencer said bitterly. “My father was a mage. He died in his bed frail and riddled with pain not ripped apart from the inside out because of a demon. They’re not all like the one’s you’re obviously used to.”

Fenris shook his head a little and continued. “Here is the coin Anso promised, all I have. I will remain here if you should need my assistance.”

“You didn’t seem so keen on being around us a minute ago,” Spencer said frowning. “Is there going to be a problem?”

“Magic is useful,” said Fenris cautiously. “I will watch them closely however.”

Spencer could feel the unspoken promise to watch him as well. “All right,” Spencer said evenly. If he wanted to watch let him. He wasn’t going to see Spencer doing anything worse than trying to live his life. “I’m planning an expedition to the Deep Roads, I’ll stop by later and we can talk.”

They parted ways and Spencer headed back to Lowtown with Varric and Anders. There wasn’t much said between the three of them. Varric didn’t seem to mind including Fenris in the eclectic group of people Spencer seemed to be gathering. He hadn’t minded either Merrill or Anders, even seemed to like them quite a bit. He could almost feel Anders’ curiosity however. Nothing was said until Varric was left at the Hanged Man and they stood at the bottom of the stairs to Gamlen’s Hovel.

“Thank you for defending me,” Anders said with a smile. It faltered as he looked at his feet for a second. “I don’t understand why you told him of Compassion or accepted his offer of aid though.”

“Better for him to focus on me than you,” Spencer said smiling sadly. “He will see you as nothing but an abomination. I’m…an enigma. Perhaps if he sees that I’m not a terrible person I can help him look past whatever he’s suffered…see the good a mage can accomplish.”

“Were you always so helpful?” Anders asked with a wry smile.

“I was pretty young but…yes,” he said his smile turning shy.

“I can’t imagine the disappointments,” said Anders his smile turning sad. “People aren’t so easily swayed.”

“I have to try,” said Spencer with an apologetic shrug.

“Yes, I suppose you do.” His expression became unreadable for a moment before he smiled again. “Will you stop by later? I could use some help around the clinic.”

“I will after some sleep. I don’t have anything else planned until tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you later then,” Anders said. He looked over Spencer’s shoulder and inclined his head a tiny bit as he said, “Mrs. Hawke.”

Spencer turned to see Leandra standing at the top of the stairs, smiling as she acknowledged Anders. The mage was smiling as Spencer turned back to him and he briefly touched his arm before striding away. He stayed at the bottom of the stairs, watching, and felt the butterflies in his stomach as Anders looked back over his shoulder briefly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm not trying to skip over Isabela. I just can't see her caring one way or the other about Compassion.

_9:31 Dragon Age, Chantry_

A trip to the Hanged Man earlier in the day had resulted in Spencer walking in on the start of a brawl. He’d spoken to the dark skinned woman who had bested three armed men out of curiosity. His night had ended with another fight in the Chantry. He was grateful that Bethany had been with him this time instead of Anders.

“I have a room at the Hanged Man,” Isabela said with a leer that made Spencer a little uncomfortable. “Come see me later if you want…company.”

Spencer knew he was blushing madly as she walked away, a finger trailing over his shoulder as she did. He turned to face his companions after a moment, walking quickly past them to the door. The pirate was nowhere in sight and he sighed in relief. Aveline parted ways with them at the bottom of the Chantry steps. She was headed for the guard barracks in the Viscount’s Keep to take care of the mess they’d left behind.

Varric parted with them at the Hanged Man and Spencer hurried home with Bethany in tow. It was late enough that neither their mother nor their uncle were awake and they both slipped quietly into the room they shared. Bethany was asleep quickly but Spencer lay awake for quite some time.

Isabela had to be the oddest person he’d ever come across. Instead of the expected fear or caution he normally received, she truly didn’t seem to care. There had been no questions about his abilities yet and her offer of assistance seemed genuine. The pirate might simply be after his help to find the relic she was looking for but her indifference about Compassion was honestly refreshing.

That wasn’t what was keeping him awake however. Her forwardness had been completely unexpected. Spencer also found it embarrassing. Duty and staying hidden had driven his life. There hadn’t been much time or inclination for intimate relationships. Even during the seven years they had spent in Lothering there’d only been one girl who tried mightily to get him alone behind her father’s barn. Peaches had also made him extremely uncomfortable but seemed satisfied to make doe eyes at him while leading Carver around by his nether regions after several of Spencer’s rejections.

Spencer understood that relationships, intimate or otherwise, were normal. If this Deep Roads expedition was successful, if mother could get the old estate back, Spencer would be expected to find a wife. This thought is what kept him awake. Even though he was technically still a virgin and had never had the desire to change that, he was beginning to suspect his interests might not be in accordance with what his mother might want.

There was a certain apostate that he’d met not too long ago who’d been occupying his thoughts quite a bit lately. Spencer had spent many of his spare moments in the clinic helping Anders however he could. They already knew a lot about each other from the conversations they’d had. He had begun wondering when his stomach did funny things when he was around the possessed mage. Lately his heart sped up when they were alone together and it was all very confusing.

He sighed as he rolled onto his side, pushing thoughts of the mage away. There was simply no time to think about any of this. Spencer still had quite a bit of coin to gather, jobs lined up for the next few days and plants to look for while he did them. His future in Kirkwall was still too uncertain to even think about romance.

_A week later, The Wounded Coast_

After clearing dragonlings out of the Bone Pit, finding the lost cargo of an acquaintance of Isabela’s and taking care of a fugitive for one of the magistrates Spencer found himself seeking out Qunari outcasts. Hubert was despicable but he employed his Ferelden countrymen when almost no others would. There would likely be many more trips to the Bone Pit later to make sure they were still safe. Spencer had grudgingly given Martin the location of his poison. He needed the coin badly and couldn’t really argue with his logic. At least he wasn’t raiding the ships anymore and trying to make an honest living now.

Spencer hadn’t made any coin from the magistrate. The fugitive turned out to be his son, a man who had committed many grievous crimes against the elves of Kirkwall. He was supposed to have been brought back alive to be locked away but Spencer couldn’t bear to let him live. Whether he was spared because of his father’s status or because his crimes were perpetrated against only elves didn’t matter a whit to Spencer. Children had suffered greatly at his hands.

His excuses had simply enraged Spencer. It was people like this that made life hard for him and decent apostates like Anders and Bethany, even cautious one’s like Merrill. The populace was scared enough without this man blaming his own depravity on demons. That trip hadn’t been a complete waste of time however. He’d found one of the things Solivitus had needed. The silk gland along with dragon fang he’d collected in the Bone Pit made up for what he didn’t get from the magistrate.

While looking for the abandoned ruins the fugitive was hiding in, Spencer and his companions had come across a dwarf being attacked by giant spiders. Javaris Tintop had offered coin for Spencer to hunt Qunari outlaws called Tal’Vashoth. While hunting outlaws was generally a decent thing to do he wasn’t sure it would accomplish what the dwarf hoped it would. The world wouldn’t mourn the loss of a few thugs however.

He had gone to the Wounded Coast the next day after gathering Anders, Varric and Isabela. Herbs could always be found growing wild and picking the wild ones was much cheaper than buying them from vendors in Kirkwall. As he listened to the conversation behind him, Spencer was beginning to wish he’d brought Bethany or Merrill instead of Anders. He knew what the herbs looked like and it would have been just as easy to give them to the healer later.

“You’re Fereldan right?” Isabela said. “Ever spend time at the Pearl?”

“That’s right!” Anders said happily. “You used to really like that girl with the griffon tattoos, right? What was her name?”

“The Lay Warden,” Isabela said suggestively.

“That’s right! I think you were there the night I…” Anders began.

“Oh! Were you that runaway mage with the electricity thing? That was nice…”

Spencer frowned but remained silent. He knew that the Pearl was a brothel. After getting to know Isabela a little better it didn’t surprise him that she would frequent such a place. He also knew that Anders had been promiscuous before Justice. The mage had never mentioned being at a brothel before however.

“I’m not sure I need to know this about either of you,” Varric interrupted.

The conversation behind him drifted to a different subject and Spencer was very glad. Soon enough he was thoroughly distracted by Qunari and managed to forget the disturbing conversation. Isabela refused to go into their compound at the docks, which made Spencer wonder why. Since it was late and Javaris was nowhere in sight, he agreed to come back in the morning without her. After a few drinks with his friends at the Hanged man he made his way home and fell into bed.

The alcohol was terrible but it had the desired effect of putting him to sleep fairly quickly. He wasn’t entirely surprised to find himself behind the barn where Peaches had tried her best to get in his pants. It was also not surprising that Compassion sat near. Spencer could hide nothing from her and he had been expecting a dream.

“You are troubled,” she said serenely touching his knee lightly.

“Yes,” Spencer sighed sitting up from his lying position. “Anders…and Mother I suppose.”

“You…like…the mage Anders, but fear that your mother will not approve,” Compassion said gently. “Will Mother disapprove because of Brother Justice or that Anders is like you?”

“If she knew about Justice, probably both,” Spencer said miserably. “She’s going to expect me to marry, give her grandchildren to dote over. I can’t do that with Anders. There’s always Bethany but…her children won’t carry the Hawke name.”

Compassion moved to sit in front of him. “If you are happy then she will be happy.”

“It doesn’t always work like that,” Spencer said shaking his head. “Before Mother came with Father to Ferelden, she was to be married to someone else. It’s common for people to be promised to someone they don’t know or don’t know very well. She gave up her status and her inheritance by eloping with Father and her parents were pretty angry. Mother seems determined to get it all back now that we’re here. With Carver gone, it will be my duty to carry on the family name.”

“You do not want this?” she asked frowning in confusion.

“I’m not sure what I want,” said Spencer unhappily. “I’ve never considered having an intimate relationship with anyone. Now all I seem to want is to just be around him.”

“I cannot help with this,” said Compassion sadly. “I do not understand…but this is not the only thing troubling you. Why does their conversation bother you so?”

“He knows so much more about…that…than I do. It just…makes me feel inadequate I guess,” Spencer said with a shrug.

“We knew of his promiscuous nature. Why should it matter that he’s engaged in fornication with Isabela? You know he isn’t likely to now,” Compassion said logically. “For many of the same reasons you have shunned such activity.”

“I know,” Spencer said sheepishly. “I guess…I envy her a bit.”

“Again, I do not understand,” she said shaking her head sadly.

“It’s all right Compassion,” he said smiling. “I’m not sure I understand either.”


	8. Chapter 8

_9:31 Dragon Age, The Wounded Coast_

An innocent visit to the alienage to chat with Merrill had turned into a mission that had lasted two days now. Spencer had spent the last week and a half returning lost items to their owners, finding Ironbark for Solivitus and finding the Viscount’s son. Seamus had been in more danger from his supposed rescuers than the Qunari that he’d been willingly traveling with. An argument was immediate between father and son when they had reached the keep. Spencer thought they were both being stubborn idiots but quietly left them to it.

All this had effectively taken his mind off of Anders and his mother. It didn’t stop his stomach from doing flip flops when the mage smiled at him however. He was positive that Varric at least knew of his infatuation with the Grey Warden. Bethany likely knew as well. Neither had said anything to Spencer about it but his sister had been spending quite a lot of time in the clinic lately. Anders had been helping her to refine her healing skills and it had helped a great deal when they were saving Seamus. Spencer hoped that she hadn’t brought up him in any way.

Finding a Templar in the alienage had been disconcerting. Spencer had checked on Merrill immediately and she’d followed him to speak with the woman he’d been talking to. Arianni’s son Feynriel had disappeared after she had pleaded with him to turn himself in. After acquiring more information from her, Spencer and Merrill had collected Varric and Anders to help find the boy before he ran afoul of his own dreams or the Templars found him.

Talking with the boy’s father had produced little results and he’d had to speak with the Templar to get any useful information. The former Templar Samson that Thrask had directed him to, did have information. Thankfully Anders had summed up his opinion on that poor soul before he could. Rushing to the docks to hopefully confront the slavers Feynriel had been given to had led them to Darktown and another group of slavers. Spencer had the mage girl’s letter tucked safely away in his tunic so that her father could be informed of her death.

After that group of slavers had been dealt with they were off to their hideout on the Wounded Coast. Fighting through one of the many caverns they had finally found Feynriel. The situation had been very tense but Varric’s penchant for stories had diffused it without a fight. After having agreed to take the boy to the Dalish they were now camped out in one of the coves of the Wounded Coast to let everyone have a well-deserved rest.

Spencer’s confusion over Anders had suddenly been brought to the forefront. It had been easily ignored when Feynriel was in danger but with him safe, sitting across the fire talking softly with Merrill, it was a little hard to not notice how close Anders was. Seeing his warm smile upon agreeing to see the boy to Keeper Marethari had set Spencer’s heart to beating quickly and his stomach to fluttering. Even now, with Anders next to him it was a fight to keep his words from stuttering and his hands from shaking.

The stars were bright in the sky, the fire was crackling merrily and Spencer had barely been able to eat. Merrill and Feynriel were deep in discussion, Varric was engrossed with his crossbow and Anders was continually giving him sidelong smiles while he poked at the fire with a stick. Despite how anxious he was, Spencer loved being this close to him. He returned the sidelong smiles even though his face was probably closer in color to his hair than the lightly tanned color it usually was.

This lasted for a short time before Anders threw his stick onto the fire and leaned closer to Spencer. A hand on his knee sent the warrior’s heart skittering. “Walk with me?” Anders asked softly with another of those sweet smiles.

Spencer nodded because he didn’t know what might come out of his mouth. He simply stood and followed the mage a short distance to the shore. Standing closely together, their shoulders nearly touching, they looked out over the moonlit water.

“Can you swim?” Anders asked innocently turning to him.

“A little,” Spencer said fiddling nervously with his armor. “With all this heavy armor water makes me a little nervous.”

“Do I make you nervous?” he asked softly.

His expression was unreadable in the dim light. “A little,” Spencer said with a sheepish smile. “It’s a good nervous though,” he hurried on.

“Relax Hawke,” said Anders gently as he sat in the sand. He patted the ground next to him and Spencer sat, taking a deep breath to try and calm his rapid heartbeat. “I’d like to talk with you about something and I’m going to be very honest about it. I’m extremely attracted to you. More than I probably have a right to be. You understand in a way most don’t…and you’re exceptionally handsome. I’d…just like to know if…well…just let me down easily.”

“Maker,” Spencer whispered in shock. He’d never considered that Anders might be a little nervous as well. He took another deep breath and turned to look at him. “I’m not going to let you down. I’ve never had time for…a relationship but…I like the way you make me feel.”

“I’d figured as much,” Anders said with a relieved smile. “Just to be clear though, you don’t mind flirting with another man?”

“Is that what we’ve been doing?” asked Spencer curiously before becoming embarrassed again. “I’ve never really done that with anyone before. Keeping my family safe and staying clear of Templars has always been a priority. Even when we finally settled in Lothering I’d never really considered anything of that sort.”

“No wonder you look so nervous around me sometimes,” Anders said with an adorable half smile. “I’ve been sort of worried that I’ve been making you uncomfortable.”

“Oh no,” Spencer said sincerely. “I just have no idea what I’m doing. Isabela makes me uncomfortable sometimes. She reminds me of Peaches.”

“Peaches?” he said curiously as he laced his fingers together between his knees.

“She had the biggest crush on me,” Spencer said as he smiled. “Her advances weren’t subtle. She finally got the hint I wasn’t interested after I pawned her off on Carver. He was happy enough to meet with her behind her father’s barn.” His smile turned sad for a moment upon thinking of his little brother. “He enjoyed lording that over me, never when Mother was around mind you, that he had done something I hadn’t. I never minded much.”

“Do you just not like women?” Anders asked. “Karl was my first…” He paused, a sad smile upon his face, and Spencer put an arm around his shoulders in a sympathetic hug. The sweet smile returned as he continued. “In the Tower you took your distractions whenever, wherever, and with whomever you could.”

“I guess women do make me a little more uncomfortable than men,” Spencer said after some thought. “I’ve never really thought about that before…I don’t have a first.”

“Andraste’s knickers,” said Anders giving him an astonished look. “You mean that…”

Spencer smiled sheepishly and nodded. “I’ve been possessed since I was a child. Getting _that close_ to someone always seemed like a bad idea. Besides the danger of one of us getting caught and having to leave in a hurry, with Compassion…well…it’s a little complicated.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” groaned Anders. “I should have. I haven’t warmed anyone’s bed since Justice either. For the Maker’s sake don’t let Isabela find that out.”

“Maker’s Breath no,” said Spencer in horror. “She’d never leave me alone.”

Anders laughed and Spencer smiled, loving the warm happy sound. He was glad they’d had this conversation. It was encouraging to know that the mage was interested. The expedition was still priority but perhaps he could afford to be a tiny bit selfish as well. Compassion was encouraging him and after a deep breath he decided that it couldn’t hurt to at least try and pursue a relationship with him.

“So,” Spencer said into the silence that followed. “What happens now?”

“I’ll stop worrying that I’m offending you,” Anders said as he stood. “You can stop being so nervous.” He offered his hand and Spencer was pulled to his feet but he didn’t let go immediately. “I’m interested, you’re interested,” he continued quietly. “Since we’re both sort of complicated, let’s just…see where things go.”

“All right,” he said happily. “Why did you ask if I could swim?”

“I was going to suggest it,” said Anders self-consciously. “A quick wash, some splashing…just let off some steam. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable though.”

“That…sounds like fun actually,” said Spencer thoughtfully. “It’s been a trying couple of days and we could definitely use a wash.”

“You surprise me sometimes,” Anders said with a fond smile. “After admitting that you’re a virgin, you’re willing to strip and swim with a man whose confessed he likes you a lot.”

Spencer shrugged. “I like you too. Maybe…I’d like you to be my first…”

“I’d be honored…Spencer Hawke,” he said softly. There was a pause and his eyes were unfocused for a moment. His smile turned wry as he continued. “Justice is insisting that I keep my hands to myself for now however. Don’t be surprised if something should come up.”

Anders turned back towards the water, working on the buckles of his coat. Spencer began the process of removing his armor completely amazed at what he’d just admitted. He pushed all of his fears and worries away however, determined to enjoy his company and excited to see where things might go.


	9. Chapter 9

_9:31 Dragon Age, Lowtown_

With thirty-five sovereigns and a handful each of silvers and coppers, Spencer was starting to think that this expedition just might be possible. Selling all of the various odds and ends he’d collected from his latest adventure on the Wounded Coast would help as well as a few more odd jobs. He hid the coin under the loose board, moved his chest over it and stood. After brushing off his hands and his trousers he left the room and the hovel altogether with Bethany.

While on his way home from yet another frustrating chat with Fenris he’d come across another person who wanted someone found. Spencer was planning to start searching for the Templar recruit first thing in the morning. It had been too late to begin the search. He wouldn’t have made it to the Gallows before it was locked up for the night. Besides that, he had already asked Anders to meet him at the Hanged Man and the apostate had agreed.

At Varric’s suggestion he had asked the others to meet there tonight as well. Fenris and Merrill both had begged off claiming they were too busy. Merrill he believed, Fenris he didn’t. After they returned from Sundermount where they’d left Feynriel with the Dalish, Merrill was busy with some books that had come into her possession. It was research for something but she wouldn’t tell him what. Spencer suspected that Fenris just wasn’t inclined to spend free time with him.

Neither elf had been very forthcoming with information about themselves. Merrill was at least friendly but Fenris seemed to be more than a little suspicious. Varric called him broody but Spencer suspected that there was a major reason for his attitude. He barely tolerated either mage and with Anders at least, the hate seemed very mutual. Spencer was watched almost as much as the mages were but Fenris seemed to tolerate him a little better. It was going to take a lot of patience to get either elf to open up.

Wrapped up as he was in his thoughts about the two troubled elves, he didn’t notice Anders approaching him and Bethany until she spoke. “Hello Anders.”

“Hello Bethany,” he replied warmly. Anders was smiling as he greeted his sister but when he turned to Spencer the smile grew a bit and his eyes glittered. “Hawke.”

“I’m glad you came,” Spencer said returning his smile. Despite the time that had passed since their conversation on the coast, he couldn’t seem to shake the nerves. His stomach fluttered and his heart began beating a little faster but at least he’d managed to stop blushing every time the man looked at him.

“I could use a little break,” said Anders falling instep beside him. “I’m curious to see what Varric has planned.”

“Something fun I hope,” Bethany said excitedly.

“I think so,” Spencer said with a small shrug. “He said we could all use a night to just relax.”

As they walked the back of his hand brushed across Anders’ several times. Spencer’s heart leapt into his throat when he felt Anders’ hand close over his. He closed his around the mage’s hand as well, studiously watching the way ahead trying to calm himself. So far, in the days that had gone by, nothing very different had passed between them. They had walked side by side on the way back from Sundermount, exchanged smiles and Anders was often near enough to touch.

Since he was completely clueless on how to proceed, Spencer was hoping Anders would take the lead. In the grand scheme of things, holding hands was pretty low on the list of notable things that could have happened but it was still more than Spencer had ever done. Conversation continued and he managed to sound normal despite his excitement.

They arrived all too quickly but Anders squeezed his hand before letting go to hold the door for him and Bethany. The place was crowded with the usual mix of patrons, noisy and rowdy as the waitresses flitted from table to table. Isabela was missing from her usual post by the bar and they went up the stairs at the back to Varric’s private suite.

Varric sat at the head of his long table with Isabela and Aveline sitting next to each other on one side of him. He grinned broadly and swept an arm down the table. “Have a seat.”

Bethany sat across from Isabela and Spencer sat next to her. Anders sat next to him and leaned forward. “So Varric, what exactly are we here for?” he asked curiously.

“To relax a little,” said Varric grinning. “Hawke’s been working us hard lately and I thought we could use a little down time.”

“Does this include drinking?” Isabela asked with an arched eyebrow. “Who’s buying?”

“I’ll get the first round and we’ll draw straws for the next one,” Varric said diplomatically. “I believe we’re still missing a couple of elves though.”

“They both said they were too busy,” Spencer said.

“In that case I’ll be back in a moment,” he replied with a smile.

Spencer watched him wave down one of the waitresses from his doorway and the dwarf returned to his chair. The night began with idle chatter, Varric drawing out stories of some of the odd jobs he’d done in Lothering. A deck of cards was produced at some point and they played Diamondback for match sticks since neither he, Bethany, or Anders had any coin to spare.

As the night progressed Spencer noticed that Anders, like himself, was still nursing his first ale. Isabela and Varric had drunk the most but neither seemed affected. Bethany was definitely a little tipsy and Aveline hadn’t drunk enough to feel any ill effects from it. Spencer watched his sister with some amusement. She was flirting heavily with Isabela, who had finally grown bored with him pointedly ignoring her innuendos and come hither looks. He was much more interested in the man sitting next to him, smiling every time their knees bumped under the table.

It was getting fairly late by the time his pile of match sticks had dwindled to almost nothing. Anders had run out completely two hands ago. The mage had stayed however, talking and laughing good naturedly at his bad luck along with the others. Spencer had enjoyed the whole night but now felt it was time to go.

“This has been fun,” Spencer said after Isabela had won the hand. “I think it’s time for me to get Bethany home.”

“But I wanna stay here,” Bethany pouted as she threw her cards into the pile. “I’m having fun!”

“I can’t let you walk home alone in this state,” he said worriedly. “Something might happen.”

“Then I’ll just stay here all night,” she said winking at him briefly.

Spencer realized that she wasn’t half as drunk as she was acting and glanced at Isabela, who was watching their exchange with great interest. He patted her hand in acknowledgement and stood. “Very well,” he said evenly. “Please make sure someone walks you home if you change your mind.”

“I promise,” said Bethany solemnly.

“Good night all,” Spencer said smiling as he pushed his chair in.

Anders stood and pushed his chair in as well. “I think I’ll turn in too. Early mornings and all that.”

“We should do this again sometime,” Isabela said with a wave and a smirk. “Maybe with actual coin next time.”

“So you can cheat me out of it?” Anders asked as he chuckled. “We’ll see.”

Laughter followed them out the door and down the stairs. Spencer waited until they were on the street before he spoke. “Was she cheating?”

“I think so,” he replied with a shrug. Anders smiled and took his hand again. “Walk me home?”

“Of course,” Spencer said returning his smile.

The silence that fell was comfortable despite the nervous flutters in his stomach. Spencer glanced at him every now and again, getting warm smiles and giving just as many. It was far from romantic with the smoke from the foundries blotting out the stars and the cautious way they peeked around every corner before going around it. Spencer was still thrilled with every moment. They were on the stairs to Darktown before Anders broke the silence.

“Is Bethany really going to spend the night with Isabela?” he asked curiously.

“More than likely,” Spencer replied. “Bethany’s not nearly as innocent as she lets on. I’ve never seen her go after another woman though.”

“I’m rather glad she did,” said Anders sounding relieved. “It’s not very surprising that you’re the most innocent person in your family.”

“I wouldn’t say innocent exactly,” Spencer said thoughtfully. “I help people every chance I get but sometimes what needs to be done is a little…distasteful.”

“Like the magistrate’s son?” Anders asked looking over at him briefly.

“Exactly so,” he said seriously. “He should have been punished for his crimes no matter who his father was.”

“Hawke,” Anders said after a moment. “Do you know what the mages in the Gallows are subjected to?”

“Somewhat,” Spencer said cautiously. “I keep my ears open for rumors and what I’ve heard is pretty disturbing.”

“Would you be willing to help free some of them?” he asked now sounding cautious as well.

“Absolutely,” Spencer said without hesitation. “If I can help prevent what happened to your friend Karl I’ll do it gladly. I’m not sure how much I can do though. I still need fifteen sovereigns for the expedition.”

Anders squeezed his hand and smiled. “I understand. Tunnels have been found here in Darktown that may lead directly to the Gallows. I’ve been asked to scout them, confirm if they’re a viable escape route. I’d like your help…there’s no hurry though. We’re still organizing, looking for contacts inside the Gallows.”

“Let me know when you’re ready,” Spencer said smiling as well.

“You’re a gem Hawke,” Anders said warmly as he led them up the last set of stairs to his clinic. He leaned on the door and took Spencer’s other hand. “Would you like to come in? I’ll make some tea and we can talk.”

“I’d love to,” Spencer said regretfully. “A young woman asked me to find her brother and I’d like an early start.”

“Would you like me to come with?” he asked hopefully.

“If you’d like to,” said Spencer. “I should tell you that he’s a Templar recruit however.”

His smile faltered for a moment but returned quickly. “I’d like to,” he said softly. “I’ll see you in the morning then.”

Impulsively Spencer leaned forward and gave him a very brief kiss. His heart was already beating rapidly but the happy smile he received made it skip a beat. “Good night Anders,” he said softly.

“Good night Hawke,” said Anders giving his hands a gentle squeeze before letting go. He turned and unlocked the door. Spencer took a step backwards as Anders opened it, smiling over his shoulder before he disappeared inside. 


	10. Chapter 10

_9:31 Dragon Age, The Hanged Man_

Spencer drained the terrible ale he’d been given in a few hurried gulps. He emptied the next one in a similar fashion and motioned for another refill.

“Slow down Spencer,” Bethany said in concern from his right. “You’re going to make yourself ill.”

“I already feel ill,” he said not liking the way his voice shook. “That could have been me Beth.”

“But it wasn’t,” she replied earnestly.

A full glass was set in front of him and Spencer gripped it intending to drink it like he had the previous two but a hand over the top of the glass prevented him.

“You were cautious,” Anders said calmly. “You didn’t accept her right away but sought knowledge.”

“I was young,” Spencer said his voice still shaking. “I suspected that it might be possible to attract a demon despite not being a mage. It’s…frightening to know I was right.”

“Drinking yourself into a stupor won’t help,” said Anders firmly. “You’ll only end up with a headache and a sick stomach.”

“Think of Keran,” Bethany said soothingly. “We saved his life.”

Spencer took a deep breath and nodded slowly. He still sort of wanted to drown himself in the glass but knew that Anders was right. Wilmod’s fate wasn’t the only thing bothering him about the day’s events however. “Thank you for stopping that woman,” he said quietly turning to Anders.

“You’re welcome,” said Anders moving the hand covering his glass to his forearm.

“Are you all right Brother?” Bethany asked in concern.

“Yes,” Spencer replied with a wan smile. “Just a little shaken up.”

“Let’s get you home,” Anders said reassuringly. “We can talk to Cullen in the morning.”

“He’s from Ferelden,” Spencer said suddenly worried. “What if he recognizes you?”

“I think he already has,” said Anders. “Out on the coast this morning.”

“Oh Anders,” he began starting to feel panicked as well as ill.

“Relax Hawke, I don’t think he’ll turn me in,” Anders interrupted seriously. “I am still a Grey Warden. That won’t protect me from Alrik or Meredith but I think Cullen respects the Wardens. The Commander saved him in the Tower.”

“You still shouldn’t take such a big risk,” Spencer said taking a sip of his ale.

“You shouldn’t either but we both know you’re going to,” Anders said with a little frown. “I’m going with you tomorrow.”

Spencer managed a small grateful smile and took another sip. With his thoughts still awhirl he allowed Bethany and Anders to escort him back home. Bethany left them at the bottom of the stairs with a small smile. He leaned against the wall and sighed heavily.

Anders turned to face him looking a little worried. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“I think I understand why my father was so scared that night,” Spencer said quietly. “I’d never seen him frightened before and it scared me. I got such a scolding the next morning.”

“You’re blessed in so many ways,” Anders said with a sad smile. “My father locked me in the cellar and called the Templars.”

“How horrible!” he exclaimed softly.

“We’re not worrying about me,” said Anders gently. He stepped a little closer and brushed a finger down Spencer’s smooth jaw. “Are you all right?”

His heart was suddenly racing, the awful smell of the foundries were blotted out by elfroot, the day’s events pushed back to the back of his mind by the mage directly in front of him. Their eyes were locked together and Spencer could see concern along with something else. Anders leaned forward a little.

“Yes,” Spencer whispered breathily hoping that he would lean forward just a little more.

“I’ll be here in the morning,” Anders whispered. He closed the distance between them, pressing their lips together briefly. Stepping back, he smiled and added, “Good night Hawke.”

“Good night Anders,” he said also smiling.

Anders’ hand rested on his shoulder for a moment and then he was gone. Spencer lingered at the bottom of the stairs, his mind in a confused swirl. It was disturbing that his mind had been so easily controlled despite Compassion. Finding out that demons could possess non-mages, and how lucky he’d been, was frightening. It was worrisome that a Templar knew Anders was a mage. The strangest thing though was how easily Anders had overridden those things and how much Spencer wanted to follow him.

He waited a few more minutes and trudged up the stairs, wondering if the ale he’d drank so quickly was affecting his judgment. Holding hands and a couple of brief kisses was hardly an invitation to spend the night but that’s exactly what he wanted. Spencer was fairly certain that something else he’d seen in Anders’ warm amber eyes had been desire.

Bethany was already in her bed and Spencer removed his armor quietly. He was sleepy from the alcohol and crawled into his bed, wishing he understood a little more.

_A few minutes later, Anders Clinic_

Anders locked the doors behind him and heaved a sigh that came from his toes. Spencer Hawke was both the sweetest and most frustrating person he’d ever met. As a Spirit Healer, he understood compassionate souls. Justice had tempered his somewhat but he still couldn’t stand seeing someone in pain when he could fix it. Hawke cared almost too much for others and not nearly enough for himself. He knew without a doubt however, that’s what made the man so intriguing.

After the hard day they’d had seeing him upset wasn’t too unusual. Hawke’s smiles were often a little sad. Anders thought his perpetually sad smiles were a result of caring so much for everyone around him and being able to help only a chosen few. Seeing him completely shaken over something so personal was entirely new.

He shuffled slowly through his dark clinic thinking of how easy Hawke’s focus had been shifted and how willing he was to take risks. Even though he wasn’t a mage, Hawke was in just as much danger from Templars as any apostate. He was just as cautious as his sister but seemed to go out of his way to keep all three of the mages around him from situations where they might be caught. Anders was flattered that he’d been put beside Bethany in order of importance but was equally frustrated because he didn’t like the idea of Hawke taking those very same risks simply to protect him. That was why he’d insisted on going with to the Gallows.

It wasn’t risks that had him troubled at the moment however. It was the knowledge that he was perhaps the only thing that Hawke had ever wanted for himself. Seeing the distress seemingly disappear from his eyes to be replaced with naked desire when he’d gotten closer had been a little intoxicating. Anders wasn’t sure what bothered him more, how much he wanted to always be at Hawke’s side or the very real possibility that he would end up hurting him.

Anders sunk down on his cot feeling more alone than ever. He pulled a blanket over him and touched his lips briefly, wanting so very badly to curl up in strong arms that were deceptively gentle. He fell asleep hoping that a day would come when he could do just that and wondering if Compassion could somehow undo the damage he’d done to Justice.


	11. Chapter 11

_9:31 Dragon Age, The Wounded Coast_

“We’re not killing anyone,” Spencer said firmly. “I’ll get rid of Thrask somehow. Follow behind us but far enough back that the Templars won’t see you.”

Grace nodded, Fenris grumbled, Varric once more looked like he was taking notes in his head, and Anders had an extremely odd look on his face. Spencer smiled reassuringly at him and turned back the way they had come. So far this day had been very eventful. Anders had shown up bright and early as he’d promised. They went to speak with Ser Cullen right away and had managed to convince him that Keran wasn’t possessed.

Afterwards Anders had accompanied him back to Gamlen’s hovel where Spencer invited him in for a bite to eat. A letter had arrived and the mage had insisted on going with. Since the letter stated that matters were urgent they’d hurried to the Hanged Man where Varric had been speaking with Fenris about something. Both dwarf and elf had agreed to come with. Spencer wondered if Fenris was now regretting his choice.

The Templar that had been looking for the lad Feynriel wished his help convincing the escaped Starkhaven mages to go to the Gallows peacefully. Spencer hadn’t known what to expect from the mages but being attacked by corpses and blood mages had been pretty low on his list. They had been attacked on sight by the leader and a handful of the others when they’d found the bulk of the Starkhaven mages.

He was fairly certain that the blood mages of the group were no more and he was determined to see the rest safely away from the Wounded Coast. Spencer wasn’t at all sure how he was going to accomplish this without any more bloodshed but he wasn’t going to kill the poor man that had asked for his help in the first place. Thrask seemed like a decent sort and didn’t seem at all put out that he’d taken Feynriel to the Dalish instead of the Circle.

At least he sounded reluctant, Spencer thought casting a quick glance at Anders. The mage was deep in his thoughts, the odd look having been replaced by a tiny frown. It didn’t surprise Spencer at all that Anders was willing to kill Thrask to see these mages free. He did find it a little heartening that Anders at least seemed willing to do things his way for the moment.

Spencer pushed aside these thoughts as they neared the entrance to the cave. He stepped out with Anders beside him and Varric and Fenris close behind. Alain was standing with Ser Thrask, speaking with another Templar that he assumed was Karras.

“Who’s this?” the blonde Templar sneered as they stepped out of the cave.

“Varric,” Spencer said quietly remembering how he’d saved Feynriel without a fight.

After listening to the dwarf weave another tall tale that sent the Templars on a wild goose chase, Spencer led the remaining Starkhaven mages in the other direction.

“Keep going this direction and you should reach Ostwick,” Spencer said to Grace. “I’m sorry I can’t give you any coin.”

“You’ve done more than I’d hoped,” she replied with a smile. “Take my staff, it has the mark of Starkhaven and I dare not carry it. Thank you.”

“Be safe,” Spencer said returning her smile. “And hurry, Karras looked a little dull but it won’t take much to figure out we duped him.”

Grace nodded and led her group east. Spencer turned to the setting sun and led his little group back the way they’d come. None of them had come prepared for an overnight but that didn’t stop him from camping out anyway. It was a fairly warm night and dinner would be relatively easy to catch. While the others set up a makeshift camp, Spencer set snares. Anders had found a wild berry bush and picked some for all of them.

When they were all full of roasted rabbit and wild berries, they sat around the fire relaxing after the long day. Fenris clearly disapproved of his actions and had been brooding for most of the night. Spencer sat across the fire wondering if he’d ever get the elf to open up to him. Anders had been all distracting smiles and quiet praise, which hadn’t helped Fenris’ mood any but had sent his soaring.

Spencer was glad that Anders didn’t seem to be angry with him. There were quite a few things he would have like to speak about with him but decided that there would be a better time for some of them. Preferably without Fenris around, who always seemed to put the mage in a bad mood. He was content for the moment. His fears from the previous night were far from the front of his mind, drowned out by today’s success and Anders mere presence.

He hoped that his mother wasn’t too worried about him as he settled in to sleep. The mage was a very short distance away and Spencer lay awake for a while, listening to his breathing as he slept. It was very tempting to scoot a little closer but he resisted the urge and eventually fell asleep, a little surprised to find himself dreaming of Redcliffe.

Having been to the place several times when they lived in Honnleath he recognized the keep in the distance and Lake Calenhad covering a portion of the horizon. Spencer stood and looked around curiously. Compassion was standing a few feet away and she waved him to follow before turning down the path that led to the village. Spencer trotted to catch up and they walked side by side in silence through the deserted streets.

“Did you want to talk about something?” Spencer asked quietly as she led them in the direction of Lake Calenhad.

“They are here,” Compassion said serenely. “Come, it has been a long time…”

Spencer followed her through alleys and along streets wondering if she meant Anders and Justice. She didn’t seem at all excited though the prospect of sharing a dream with the mage thrilled him a lot. They came through onto a boardwalk over the lake and found Anders staring at the tower that could barely be seen in the distance.

“Anders,” Spencer called out happily and sprinted forward. He slid to a halt when the mage whipped around, his hand on his staff.

“Stay back,” he said warily.

“Do not fear,” Compassion said gently as she stopped next to Spencer. “There are no others here. Brother Justice keeps them at bay.”

“Brother Justice?” Anders said in confusion as he turned his gaze to Compassion briefly. “I know I’m dreaming. Are you really…no…you can’t be Hawke.”

“It’s really me Anders,” Spencer said calmly taking a cautious step forward. “We’re on the coast…I fell asleep thinking of you.”

“How can we be having the same dream?” he asked warily. “And who are you spirit?”

“You know me as Compassion,” she said placidly. “Your caution is admirable but unnecessary.”

“I understand Anders,” said Spencer with a small smile. “I can’t imagine what it must be like to doubt everything you dream.”

“It really is you,” Anders said slowly as he straightened. “How is this possible? Why are you…I’ve never dreamed of Justice like this.”

“He is here,” said Compassion confidently.

“I don’t normally either,” Spencer said closing the distance between them. “It’s happened before though three within the span of a year and a few months is a little odd.”

Anders closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. “I don’t understand this. Whose dream are we in? You really don’t want this to be my dream.”

Compassion drifted past them and Spencer followed her gaze. Standing at the other end of the boardwalk was a warrior. This warrior had the same ghostly blue aura that Compassion had. She continued on and he turned the confused mage so that he could see as well.

“Justice,” whispered Anders his eyes going wide.

She stopped in front of Justice and the warrior nodded politely. Spencer couldn’t hear their conversation but suspected that this was why the four of them were here. One spirit had wanted to speak with the other spirit. What had him curious was which spirit.

“Why has this never happened to me before?” Anders said quietly.

“I don’t know,” Spencer replied just as softly. He found the mage’s hand and smiled when his was squeezed. “She appears in my dreams when I’m troubled.”

“I’ve been troubled since the very beginning,” said Anders. “My anger…when we joined he couldn’t handle my anger. I changed him.”

“Maybe we can help,” he said earnestly.

Anders smiled, a sad little smile, and squeezed his hand. “I don’t know that anyone can help. It’s a curse of my own making but…I hope so.”

Spencer hoped he would remember this odd dream.


	12. Chapter 12

_9:31 Dragon Age, The Darktown Tunnels_

Days had passed since the odd dream on the Wounded Coast. Justice wasn’t talking about it and Spencer had been fairly busy working to make the last of the coin he needed. Anders had tried to put it out of his mind but had been fairly unsuccessful. He’d never had a dream like that before and he generally tried not to dream in the first place. His mind hadn’t been a pleasant place to be before the Wardens and the darkspawn.

Anders had many questions about the dream and about Spencer’s relationship with Compassion. They seemed much more compatible than he and Justice had been. Now wasn’t a terrific time for questions however. Spencer had shown up at the clinic this morning along with Bethany, Fenris and Isabela. The others were in much better shape than Spencer had been.

Spencer had ended up on his cot in the back sleeping most of the day while he recovered from his injuries and the healing Anders had done. Fenris and Isabela had gone their way immediately after he’d pronounced them fine. Bethany had lingered, worried about Spencer, and had told him of their interesting night.

They’d come across a Chantry Sister in Lowtown doing something decidedly foolish. Spencer had saved her from the thugs and ended up escorting a Qunari mage out of the city. The mage’s fellows had been waiting for them when they emerged from the tunnels. The other Qunari had followed a trail of their dead and demanded that the mage was turned over to them. Spencer had naturally refused to hand the mage over to die but had watched him commit suicide after the battle.

After confronting the Sister about the obvious set up they’d come to the clinic. Anders wasn’t sure what to think about the Sister but knew that Spencer was likely upset about the mage. Bethany had eventually left with his assurances that her brother would be just fine with sleep. Anders was rather glad the clinic had a steady stream of patients. The urge to curl up behind the warrior had been mighty.

When Spencer had woken he had seemed cheerful. He had suggested exploring the tunnels and had insisted that Anders get some sleep when he’d agreed. Curling up in the warm spot Spencer had left wasn’t quite as good as sleeping next to him would have been but it was more than he’d had in quite a while. The sun was setting when Anders had woken and Spencer had still been at the clinic. He still seemed fairly cheerful as they had left for the tunnels.

His cheery mood seemed genuine and only flagged a little when he asked about the Qunari mage. Spencer was focused now that they were actually in the tunnels and Anders kept his questions to himself. This was more important than his curiosity. They were surprisingly well maintained with lit torches in sconces augmenting the natural light. Anders was angry when they’d discovered why.

“Lyrium smugglers,” Spencer spat disgustedly as he sheathed his sword. “It’s bad enough that Templars are addicted to the stuff in the first place.”

“This surely leads into the Gallows,” Anders said taking a few steps forward.

Spencer nodded as he stepped over to the crates the smugglers had been guarding. He pried one open and shook his head at all the vials as Anders joined him. “You should take some,” he said seriously. “You can put it to much better use.”

“You should too,” Anders said plucking a few vials from the crate. “For Bethany and Merrill.”

“I wish Merrill would use it,” Spencer said sadly. He pulled some out and they went into his pouch before speaking again in a more serious tone. “We shouldn’t leave the rest here.”

“I’ll contact my…associates,” said Anders. “These will come in handy for the mages we’ll free.”

“How soon do you think you’ll be able to start?” asked Spencer.

“We’re still looking for contacts inside,” Anders said replacing the lid. “Thank you Hawke.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied warmly.

His smile sent butterflies fluttering through Anders’ stomach and he couldn’t help but return it. They left the crates among the bodies of the smugglers and made their way back through the tunnels. The return journey was uneventful and the silence companionable. The questions he’d wanted to ask had been forgotten momentarily by the success of their venture. He was already penning the note in his head and they were back at the clinic before he even realized they’d made it back to Darktown.

“Anders,” Spencer said after the doors had been shut behind him. “I have a favor to ask.”

“What do you need?” he asked absently crossing to his desk.

“Would you look after Mother and Bethany for me?”

The implications of his request stopped Anders in his tracks. He turned slowly, his stomach suddenly heavy. “You don’t want me to come with you?” he asked feeling extremely hurt even though he really hadn’t wanted to go to the Deep Roads again.

“I do. I really do want you to,” Spencer said earnestly closing the distance between them. He took Anders hand and looked at his feet. “I don’t ever want to leave your side but…” Spencer gestured at the door and looked up, his expression torn between pleading and hope. “They need you more than I do. I’ve already asked Aveline…she was at Ostagar too…we know the dangers. We’ll keep Varric and Merrill safe.”

“She can’t heal,” said Anders angrily. “What if…”

“Please don’t be angry with me,” Spencer interrupted with an anguished look. “Bethany’s already cross with me...I…please Anders. I know you don’t like the Deep Roads and the refugees have no one else.”

“You…” began Anders. He huffed out a breath and pulled the warrior into a tight hug. It was just like this frustrating man to put the whole of Darktown before himself. Anders knew he would worry but he couldn’t stay angry at Spencer. He continued in a desperate whisper. “You had better come back Spencer Hawke.”

Spencer was shocked stiff for mere moments before he softened. Anders felt his arms tentatively circling him, returning the embrace, and a soft sigh of relief in his ear. “Thank you for understanding,” he said softly.

“I’m going to make as many elfroot potions for you as I can and…yes I’ll keep an eye on your mother and sister.”

“I’ll gladly take the potions. I’ll help gather the herbs if you want.”

Anders smiled despite his suddenly whirling emotions and pulled away slightly. Spencer’s hands ended up on his hips and he couldn’t resist running his through his fuzzy red hair. “That would be nice,” Anders said softly.

“Oh,” Spencer breathed softly.

His hands remained where they were, his eyes full of desire and gratitude. Anders fought a losing battle with his sudden intense desire for a moment and pulled them together with a hand at the back of his head and the other at his neck. Spencer’s hands tightened at his hips for a moment as their lips met then circled around his back. For long minutes there was only him, the arms around his waist and soft lips against his. Anders broke it reluctantly and rested his head on an armored shoulder.

He wondered at Justice’s silence, fought to keep his desire in check and felt safe for perhaps the first time in years. For long moments he listened to Spencer’s breathing and was suddenly glad for the armor between them.

“When do you leave?” Anders asked quietly.

“Four or five days I think,” Spencer said his voice steady. “We can go collecting in the morning if you’d like.”

“I’d like that,” said Anders stepping away completely. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Spencer smiled and nodded, stepping forward to give him a brief kiss. Anders smiled as the warrior left, glancing over his shoulder before shutting the door. He locked the door and leaned against it. Anders took a deep breath and strode to his desk to write a note to the Mage Underground, thinking of Spencer and the next four or five days.


	13. Chapter 13

_9:31 Dragon Age, Darktown_

Gathering elfroot among other things for Anders had been pleasant. They had spent most of the day wandering the base of Sundermount and the coast and they had parted at his clinic fairly late. Spencer spent the next day preparing his pack while Anders spent that day brewing two crates of elfroot potions. After they were delivered to Bodahn the third day, a very nice dwarf who was supplying the expedition, Spencer spent the rest of that day with Anders as well.

He spent most of the day with Anders in the clinic. They had gone to the Hanged Man for another round of cards with most of the people Spencer had befriended. Fenris was still a bit anti-social but Merrill had gone this time. Part of the night was spent teaching her the games they played. Despite her beginner status Anders still ran out of matchsticks first. Bethany had elected to stay with Isabela again and Spencer, along with Anders, escorted a slightly tipsy Merrill to her home in the alienage. Now that he was alone with the mage once more, walking with their hands linked back to his clinic, Spencer was extremely nervous but also excited. All night Anders had sat close, a hand often resting lightly on his thigh. That alone had been enough to make his palms sweat but it was the looks that made his heart race.

Spencer had no idea what was going to happen when they reached the clinic and he didn’t dare to hazard a guess or even get his hopes up very high. He wasn’t even very sure what he wanted to happen. This hand Anders was playing pretty close to his chest but Spencer was sure something was going to happen. The streets were quiet and the silence between them comfortable as they ascended the stairs to the clinic.

Like he had the previous time, Anders leaned back against one of the doors. Unlike the previous time, the mage pulled Spencer close. He was very aware of the mages’ arms around him, a hand working under his shirt and only a few inches of space between them. Anders didn’t speak. Instead he licked his lips and tilted his head a tiny bit. Spencer let his hands settle on his hips and Anders smiled before leaning forward and pressing their lips together.

It was brief but soft and he felt Anders’ breath when he spoke. “Stay with me tonight.”

“I’d…I’d like that,” he said nervously.

“Don’t worry,” said Anders with a reassuring smile. “We don’t have to do anything besides sleep next to one another. Unless you’d like to do something else first?”

“Anyth…”

Anders eyes widened and suddenly there was no space between them at all. Spencer uttered a surprised grunt as he was kissed, the hand under his shirt pressed between his shoulder blades. The arm around his waist tightened and Spencer moaned softly, letting Anders control. The kiss was now hard and demanding, their teeth clicking together more than once. Spencer moaned softly when their tongues met briefly. Since there was no protective layer of armor between them he was sure Anders could feel what this kiss was doing to him. He could certainly feel the mage’s arousal and if anything, it was making him stiffen faster.

They were both panting when Anders broke it, turning to rest his head on Spencer’s shoulder like he had the other day. “Please,” he whispered his voice shaking slightly. “Don’t give me such an open invitation. You have no idea…”

“It’s…I’ve told you what I want before…”

“Shh,” Anders said soothingly. He rubbed little circles between Spencer’s shoulder blades and turned to kiss his neck. Spencer shuddered and he did it again, biting softly and then licking. “We’ll get there…but not tonight. Let’s go inside.”

Spencer took a deep breath and nodded as Anders pulled away. His nerves weren’t gone completely but had been eclipsed by his excitement. He followed the mage into his clinic and was surprised once more when he found himself pushed against the door as soon as it had shut. Their chests were pushed together, fingers running through his hair as he was kissed again.

Anders pulled away slightly, his hands coming to rest on Spencer’s shoulders, mere inches between them once more. “I want…” he said and pressed their lips together again. He pulled away again and smiled. “May I?”

He nodded even though he had no clue what Anders was going to do. There was another soft kiss and he smiled again. Spencer’s heart seemed to beat a little faster when the mage sunk to his knees. The laces of his trousers were undone and pushed open, his small clothes pulled carefully down over his extremely hard cock. He shivered at the contact when they were tucked gently under his sack.

“Maker,” Anders breathed reverently.

Spencer bit his lip, his hands pressed to the door and his eyes locked onto Anders. He suppressed a groan when his elegant fingers brushed along the shaft of his length, tongue darting out to catch the fluid seeping from the head. Spencer shivered and Anders met his gaze. Whatever he sought in his eyes he obviously found and Anders smiled again before taking just the tip of his thick cock in his mouth.

“Oh,” Spencer said breathily as Anders took in more of his length. It was hot and wet, his tongue moving restlessly along the bottom of the shaft. Spencer had never felt anything quite like it and he groaned quietly moments later, surprised by his sudden release.

Anders’ lips were still locked around his cock, hand now squeezing the shaft as he stroked. He pulled away and swallowed, smiling as he licked his lips. Spencer trembled slightly, leaning heavily against the door. He slid down when he felt his small clothes pulled up over his softening length. Panting heavily and feeling a little embarrassed he settled on the floor with Anders between his legs.

“I’m sorry,” Spencer said when he’d caught his breath.

“Don’t be,” he replied smiling as he scooted back a little.

“What about you?” asked Spencer. His eyes drifted to the prominent bulge at the mage’s crotch and back to his face an instant later.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” said Anders with a small smile.

Spencer smiled back as Anders stood. He was pulled up as well and took a moment to tighten the laces on his trousers. Anders led him further into the clinic, all the way back and past the curtain. He saw the cot he’d spent most of a day sleeping in but there was also a large pallet on the floor. There were a couple of blankets folded neatly and sitting on the corner. Anders leaned his staff against the wall and began working the buckles on his coat. Spencer sat on the cot and began working quietly on his boots.

When his boots were set neatly together under the cot Spencer moved to the pallet and found it was a little softer than he’d expected. One edge was close to the wall and he sat on one side leaning against it while he watched Anders remove his boots. Instead of sitting beside him, Anders crawled in between his legs and settled against him, back to chest, head resting on his shoulder. Spencer tentatively wrapped his arms around the mage and relaxed a bit more upon hearing his contented sigh.

The quiet persisted for a short length of time and Spencer’s nervous energy finally settled completely. Anders hands were moving along the outside of his thighs and he nuzzled into his neck every so often. Spencer was trying to work up the courage to slip his hands under the mage’s shirt when Anders finally spoke. His voice was soft but strong.

“Do you remember the dream we shared on the coast?”

“Yes,” Spencer answered his voice not quite a whisper. “It’s not as clear as some of her dreams but I remember.”

“Do you know what they spoke of? Justice won’t tell me.”

“Not entirely. I know they talked about us.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s gone quiet about you.”

“Did he not like me?”

“It’s not that…you…constantly distract me. I should be focusing on my work…not wanking myself to sleep nearly every night thinking of things I’d like to do with you… _to you._ ”

“Well,” Spencer said feeling his cheeks heat. “I don’t feel so bad now at least. I’ve done…quite a bit of that lately too. Not going to sleep though. That would just be awkward if Bethany heard me.”

“When you sleep with so many others in a big room you learn to ignore that,” Anders said after a brief laugh. “At least we seem to be heading in the same direction.”

Spencer took a deep breath and kissed his cheek. “You’ll need to show me a few things I’m sure.”

He pulled up Anders’ shirt and fumbled with the laces on his trousers. A pleased hum and light kisses to his neck were encouraging. After what felt like an eternity the knot was undone and he pushed them apart, his fingers brushing against his stiff member still trapped in small clothes. Anders moaned softly and gripped his thighs as his hips lifted for a brief moment.

Carefully Spencer pushed Anders small clothes down, cupping his balls to hook the fabric under. Breath gusted quietly at his neck, hands still gripping his thighs, and he stared down their bodies completely fascinated. Hoping that they could take some time later for curiosity, he wrapped an arm across Anders’ stomach and gently gripped his long slender cock.

Anders let out a soft moan when he began stroking. This was the only thing he was comfortable doing at the moment but Anders’ reactions were heartening. His hands clenched and relaxed rhythmically against his thighs, the breath against his neck becoming heavier, his hips rising and falling slightly with his strokes. It took longer for Anders to spill over his hand than he’d lasted but Spencer wasn’t too worried. For now he was happy, his arms full of a contented mage but he couldn’t help but worry a little.


	14. Chapter 14

_9:31 Dragon Age, Lowtown_

Anders had made regular visits to Spencer’s family for the entire two months he’d been gone. He often accompanied Leandra to the market but his mind wasn’t on the packages of food he carried or the woman walking next to him today. Spencer had been gone far too long. A few days to get there and a week from the surface, even accounting for blocked caverns and time spent searching they should have heard something of the expedition by now.

Leandra sighed heavily and touched his arm lightly. “Come in for a while?” she asked politely.

He looked around and found they stood at the foot of the stairs that led up into the hovel. “Gamlen isn’t home is he?” Anders asked distastefully after a moment.

“I don’t believe so,” Leandra replied with a small smile.

Spencer’s mother and sister had both known he’d asked Anders to keep an eye on them the first time he’d knocked on the door. Bethany had been rather excited at his appearance and Leandra had given him the same sort of smile she had before, small and knowing. It had taken Gamlen a bit to figure it out but after he had, Anders had endured many insulting and snide comments.

“For just a bit,” he replied with an apologetic smile. “I should be getting back to Darktown.”

“I’ll make us some tea,” Leandra said turning to ascend the stairs.

Anders followed her, his mind drifting back to Spencer. A kettle was put over the fire and he helped put away her purchases. It wasn’t until they were sitting at the table sipping the steaming liquid from chipped mugs that Leandra voiced what they both were worried about.

“Is he all right?” she asked bleakly.

“I wish I knew,” Anders replied miserably. “I wish he’d taken me with.”

“Spencer wouldn’t risk the one he loves so,” Leandra said. She smiled at his surprised expression and continued in a motherly tone. “I’ve seen how he looks at you young man…and how you look at him.”

He shifted uncomfortably and sipped at the tea wondering how much she knew and whether or not he was about to be given the talk. Anders had dealt with a few irate fathers on some of his escapes, usually by slipping out a window and running away as fast as he could. Leandra simply smiled and patted his arm.

“Let’s not give up hope,” she sighed softly. “Let me gather a few things for you.”

Anders watched her move around the room relieved and puzzled at the same time. She wrapped a loaf of bread and put it in a basket. A couple of apples went in as well followed by a wedge of cheese. He drained his tea and stood hoping he could make it to the door without taking the basket.

“That’s kind of you but not necessary,” Anders said slowly backing towards the door.

“Nonsense,” Leandra replied firmly adding another wedge of cheese. “You’re entirely too thin.”

She covered the basket with a cloth and crossed the distance between them in a few quick steps. Anders took the offered basket feeling embarrassed. “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” Leandra said warmly. “Will Bethany be with you at the clinic today?”

“I think so,” Anders said. “Is there something you want me to tell her?”

“No,” she sighed. “She’s been…upset.” Leandra shook her head and smiled. “I’m just a little worried. I’ll see you in a few days.”

Anders nodded before turning to leave, looking back over his shoulder briefly to see her staring into the fire. He was a little worried about Bethany as well. She had grown distant in the last few weeks. To begin with Bethany would spend three or four days out of a week helping him in the clinic. That had slowly dwindled to one or two.

He dug one of the apples out and devoured it while he hurried to Darktown. Bethany jumped to the top of his list of worries when he found her standing beside one of the doors to the clinic. Her arms were crossed loosely over her stomach, her head down. Anders was extremely disturbed to see her wearing robes.

“Bethany?” he said apprehensively as he approached her.

She smiled sadly and gestured at the door. Anders frowned, shuffling the basket to get his key from a pocket. Bethany followed him in and shut the door behind her. He set the basket on his desk and turned to see her sitting on a cot closest to the door with her hands folded together in her lap.

“What’s wrong?” Anders asked standing in front of her.

Bethany patted the cot next to her and he reluctantly sat. Her hands gripped the edge of the cot and she stared at the floor. “I’ve had Isabela searching for any news of Bartrand and the expedition,” she said flatly without looking up. “He slunk in three weeks ago and back out one week ago.”

“What about Spencer and the others?” he asked anxiously.

“There’s no sign of them,” Bethany said quietly.

“Maybe they got separated,” Anders said shaking his head.

“And maybe they’re all dead,” she said emotionlessly.

“No,” said Anders his voice shaking slightly. “There are a lot of things that could have happened. A cave-in, lost in the tunnels scouting, leading darkspawn away from Bartrand.”

“I can’t stand this anymore Anders,” said Bethany her voice now shaking. “They’ve all fought to keep me hidden…this…Spencer puts himself in danger to keep me free.”

“Bethany…” She turned and placed a hand on his forehead. Anders felt her sleep spell seconds later and he fought it. “No…what…”

“I’m turning myself in,” Bethany said firmly.

“No…you can’t…” Anders said gripping her wrist weakly. He shook his head trying to draw on his own magic but he couldn’t concentrate.

“I can’t let you stop me,” she said breaking his hold easily. Bethany pushed lightly on his chest and he fell over onto the cot. “If he does come back, please take care of him.”

“No…Please…Beth…” he slurred quietly still fighting to stay awake. His legs were lifted onto the cot and she appeared in his blurring vision.

“I’ll be in the Gallows when you wake,” Bethany said softly. “Don’t do anything rash. He needs you.”

“Don’t…” Anders whispered as she disappeared. He heard the door slam before the spell finally pulled him under.

_9:31 Dragon Age, Anders’ Clinic_

Spencer raced through Darktown to the clinic. Getting back to Kirkwall after Bartrand’s betrayal had been his focus for so long. He was happy to have finally made it back, the expedition a success despite being shut in the Deep Roads. It was heartbreaking to come home only to see Bethany being led away by Cullen. Her final suggestion to check on his boyfriend had him nearly panicked with worry in addition to his grief.

With Mother safely at home with Gamlen he was free to check on Anders. He planned on hauling the mage home with him if there was even the slightest thing wrong. The doors were shut and the lamps unlit. Spencer shoved away the fear gnawing at his heart and tried both of them. Neither door budged. He hammered on one yelling the mage’s name with no response. A couple of sturdy hits against the door with his shoulder popped it open.

Anders was lying on a cot close to the door in an awkward position. His legs were drawn up onto the cot, bent at the knee. His upper half was twisted towards the doors, one arm stretched out like he’d been reaching for something. Spencer rushed up to him pulling a gauntlet off as he knelt. Relieved to find him breathing he patted Anders’ cheek trying to wake him.

“Anders please, wake up,” Spencer said shaking him lightly.

He held in a whimper and stood after a moment. Taking a deep breath he pulled his gauntlet back on and lifted Anders to a sitting position. The mage didn’t react and he grimly pushed back another spike of anxiety. Spencer carefully settled the unconscious mage over his shoulder and turned for the door. This wasn’t how he’d envisioned his homecoming.


	15. Chapter 15

_9:31 Dragon Age, Gamlen’s Hovel_

It had been mid-morning when Spencer had gotten back home. It was now mid-afternoon and he had calmed his mother enough to coax her to sleep. Gamlen had left to do whatever it was he did and Anders was still deeply asleep on his bed. Spencer had bathed and sat beside Anders for a while, trying anything he could think of to wake him but nothing worked. Eventually he had lain next to him, one hand held in his, and fell into a light doze.

Spencer was jerked awake when Anders sat upright. “No! Bethany!”

“Anders!” Spencer said relieved.

“Where am I?” he said in confusion looking around. His eyes landed on Spencer and grew wide. “Spencer? Is it really you?”

“Thank the Maker,” said Spencer pulling him into a tight embrace. “I was so worried. You wouldn’t wake.”

“I’m not dreaming,” Anders whispered wrapping his arms around him just as tight. “You’re all right…”

“Anders what happened?” Spencer asked quietly after a few moments. “Cullen…they were here when I got home. He took her away…and you…I couldn’t wake you…”

“Bethany,” said Anders softly. He pulled away and stood, walking towards the bedroom door before turning around to face him. “I’m so sorry. Bethany…turned herself in. She was waiting for me at the clinic this morning. I couldn’t stop her. She put me to sleep…I…I’m sorry.”

He turned and hurried towards the door. Spencer scrambled after him and caught up to him in the middle of the other room. A hand on his shoulder whirled him around easily and Spencer pulled him into another tight hug. He buried his face on Anders’ neck and whispered despondently, “Please don’t go.”

“Spencer,” Anders said miserably. “I couldn’t…maybe it’s not too late.”

“If she spelled you,” Spencer said pulling away just enough to see him. “Then there’s nothing you could have said. Nothing you could have done short of tying her up. I don’t understand…I don’t agree…but…please don’t go.”

After a tense moment Anders returned Spencer’s embrace. “I’ve missed you,” he said in a soft quavering voice.

Spencer breathed a shuddering sigh of relief and turned to rest his cheek on one feathered shoulder. Leandra was standing in the doorway of her room, her hands wrapped loosely around her stomach, the corners of her mouth quirked up slightly. His fears of her disapproval bubbled up inside. He hadn’t told her about his cautious relationship with Anders. Spencer was unwilling to let go of him however.

“Mother,” said Spencer softly.

“I’ll make us some tea,” she said as she walked forward. Leandra touched Anders’ shoulder, a small smile flickering briefly. “I’m glad you’re all right.”

“She knows,” Anders whispered quietly as Leandra passed them.

“Come and sit,” Leandra said tiredly. “We have a lot to talk about.”

Spencer squeezed him for a moment before pulling away and taking his hand. Almost nothing had gone right the last two months. It was heartbreaking to find Bethany had given up. At least Anders’ feelings hadn’t changed. There were many nights he’d sustained himself with thoughts of returning to his family and Anders. With the proceeds from the artifacts they’d found he hoped his life would get a little easier.

_9:32 Dragon Age, Hawke Estate Cellar_

Getting the estate had been simple enough. Leandra had cleared the way before Spencer had returned. There was enough coin from the artifacts they’d brought up to buy it three times over with plenty to spare. The estate itself was a cluttered mess. Slavers were not only terrible housekeepers they were also packrats. Crates and crates of various odds and ends, no doubt possessions of their unlucky victims, had been either destroyed or given to the Chantry for dispersal to the needy.

In the months following his return Spencer had spent quite a bit of time clearing out and cleaning his new home. A letter from Bethany a few weeks after her willing capture revealed that she had survived her Harrowing and not much else. Spencer was horrified to find that she had been forced to resist a demon. There had been very few letters since and he wasn’t allowed to visit. He was determined to see his sister again however and planned to keep trying.

The rest of his friends had expressed sympathy for Bethany through what seemed to be genuine pleasure at seeing him again. Spencer continued talking with Fenris and he thought he might have made some headway with him. Merrill he’d grown closer to through their time stuck in the Deep Roads. Aveline was due to be officially instated as Guard Captain soon. Isabela continued her search for her lost relic and Varric was irritated with his new status as head of the Tethras house.

Spencer’s budding romance with Anders had continued through the mage’s perceived failure to keep his sister safe. There had been many days of serious discussion on the subject before Spencer had convinced Anders that he wasn’t being blamed. They had resumed their cautious progression. Spencer still spent every moment he could spare with Anders though with much less nervousness.

His mother’s acceptance of the relationship had set Spencer’s mind at ease. With the estate in a livable condition he had come down to the cellars with an extra key for the door that opened on the clinic’s entrance. Spencer wanted to ask him to live in the estate. He’d been standing in front of the Darktown door for ten minutes now grappling with nervous indecision. Compassion was urging him forward but he worried that it was too soon.

More minutes passed and finally Spencer took a deep breath. He peeked out the door and upon seeing no one in the immediate area stepped into Darktown closing the door behind him. The lanterns were lit. Spencer approached and stepped through into the clinic like he had so many times before, into chaos. He tucked the key into the pocket of his trousers and hurried over to where Anders stood among several people to offer help.

A partial collapse in Darktown’s tunnels had injured several of its inhabitants. For a few hours Spencer did as Anders directed, bringing water, fetching potions, cleaning and bandaging cuts and scrapes while the mage focused his attention on the worst of the victims. When the last of them had been patched up and sent on their way Anders collapsed tiredly onto one of his rickety cots.

“Your timing is wonderful Spencer,” he said wearily. “Thank you for helping.”

“You’re welcome,” Spencer replied humbly. He approached the cot, a hand in his pocket curled around the key. “I’d like to show you something if you have a moment.”

“I seem to be free,” Anders said smiling up at him. “Do I have to get up?”

“It would be easier,” said Spencer offering his other hand. “Maybe you could come up and rest for a bit…have something to eat…”

Anders looked a little puzzled but allowed Spencer to pull him to his feet. The lanterns were blown out after shutting the clinic doors and Spencer led him the few short feet to his cellar entrance. He pulled the key out of his pocket and led him through. When that door was safely shut and locked behind them Spencer turned and took his hand. In it he placed the key and closed Anders’ fingers around it.

“We’re in the estate cellars,” Spencer said quietly. “The key is yours. You’re welcome here anytime.”

“Spencer,” he said affectionately. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Spencer said smiling sheepishly.

Anders leaned forward and kissed him before tucking the key into a pocket of his coat. He took a few steps into the room looking around curiously.

“Would you…” began Spencer following him into the room. Anders turned and he swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. “Would you consider staying here…with me?”

“You want me to move in?” Anders asked in a small voice his eyes wide.

“Yes,” said Spencer smiling nervously. “You don’t have to answer now. Just…if you need time to think…”

“Spencer,” Anders interrupted gently. “I’d love to.”

“Let’s go upstairs,” Spencer said twining their fingers together. “Mother’s not quite finished with the decorating yet but it looks a lot better than last time.”

He led the way, smiling and hopeful.


	16. Chapter 16

_9:32 Dragon Age, Hawke Estate_

There had been plenty of fooling around at night in their bedroom since Anders had moved into the estate a few months ago. Spencer had been learning a lot about sex from the much more experienced Anders. To date there had been no anal penetration however. Both of them had agreed to keep proceeding slowly in this area. Spencer, as much as he wanted it, had been very nervous. Anders had been a patient teacher and gradually Spencer’s nerves had dissipated.

He knelt on the floor between Anders’ legs. The mage sat at the very edge of the bed leaning back on his hands, head tipped back and panting heavily. Spencer bobbed on his stiff member, dragging his tongue along the underside, pausing at the head to swirl and suck before sinking down again. His own cock was just as stiff but he didn’t dare touch it. He was too excited.

“Spencer,” Anders groaned softly.

Spencer pulled away and watched as he flopped to the bed moments later, exhaling noisily. “Is there a reason you stopped?”

“Yes,” said Spencer. He tugged gently on Anders’ balls, pulling them away from his body.

Anders moaned softly. He rose up on his elbows and arched an eyebrow. “I hope it’s not torture.”

“No,” Spencer said smiling as he climbed up on the bed.

He was perched precariously at the edge, straddling Anders beneath him. Spencer gently pushed him back to the bed and leaned over to kiss him. The mage hummed happily and took control, thrusting his tongue through parted lips. They spent long minutes with their lips locked together, tongues entwined, and fingers running through hair. Spencer pulled away panting as he grinned. He crawled up and over Anders to the center of the bed where he stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

“I’m ready,” said Spencer still grinning.

Anders had craned his head around to see. At Spencer’s proclamation he grinned and rolled to his hands and knees. He crawled forward and sat on his feet between Spencer’s spread legs.

“Are you sure you want to bottom?” he asked gently running his hands up Spencer’s thighs.

“I’m sure,” replied Spencer confidently. He stretched up and grabbed a bottle of oil he’d placed on his pillow earlier. Spencer tossed it back and smiled sheepishly. “Not sure I’d last too long the other way around.”

“We’ll definitely have to work on your stamina then,” Anders said smiling. “Because I really want this up my arse.”

Fingers closed around his cock, stroking lightly. “Oh…” Spencer moaned.

“I’m going to start with my fingers,” Anders explained moments later. “Are you comfortable?”

“Yes,” said Spencer after crossing his arms and resting his head on them.

“Relax,” said Anders soothingly.

A Hand ran up his thigh and he could feel slick fingers rubbing around his entrance. One pushed through and he clenched around it reflexively. Anders paused, his other hand running lightly over one arse cheek. Spencer took a deep breath, listening to soothing murmurs and gradually relaxed. The finger pressed slowly deeper, receded just as slowly and pushed back in. It was odd at first. The slow thrusting was beginning to feel pleasant when Anders added a second finger.

He paused again when muscles tightened, still whispering soothing words. Spencer moaned softly when Anders’ other hand gripped his cock lightly. With slow strokes to his length the fingers resumed thrusting. Spencer began rocking back a little, his breathing becoming heavier.

“I’m sorry I teased earlier,” Spencer moaned softly when both of his hands disappeared. “Please don’t stop…”

“Get ready,” Anders said softly. “My dick will go deeper than my fingers did.”

Spencer nodded quickly and took a deep breath. There was a hand at his hip along with something pressing against his entrance. His cock was pushed slowly in with a quiet groan from Anders. Spencer sucked in a shuddering breath and exhaled slowly. Anders stopped when they were flush; both hands now on his back.

“All right,” he asked sliding both hands up and back down.

“Yeah,” Spencer managed after a moment. “Feels…a little strange…”

“Good or bad?” Anders asked as his hands came to rest on Spencer’s hips. He slowly pulled out and pushed back in.

“Good,” said Spencer breathily as he rose up on his hands. He rocked back a little, into the next slow thrust and moaned, “Faster.”

Anders gripped his hips a little tighter and sped his pace. Spencer could barely hear his soft grunts and low moans over his own. The mage shifted behind him and the cock shuttling in and out of his arse began brushing against something that felt very good.

“Oh…,” Spencer groaned and pushed back a little harder.

“Found it,” murmured Anders confidently.

He thrust and Spencer rocked back to meet him. A steady stream of moans escaped him as the pace sped. Pleasure pooled and coiled, releasing in a great rush when Anders reached around and tugged his cock a few times. The mage groaned as Spencer gasped, semen splattering on the comforter below him. Spencer panted heavily while Anders rhythm quickened then stuttered to a stop. He collapsed off to the side, also breathing heavily, and Spencer pushed himself to a sitting position. After a moment he lay beside Anders, facing him, feeling pleasantly sleepy.

Anders smiled warmly and scooted a little closer, entwining their legs together. “You enjoyed that?” he asked quietly.

“Yes,” said Spencer lacing their fingers together. “I do want to try it the other way around though.”

“So do I,” he replied somewhat eagerly.

“Do you have a preference for bottom?” Spencer asked curiously.

“I don’t really have a preference for either top or bottom,” said Anders smirking slightly. “You just have a very nice cock.”

“Thanks,” said Spencer softly feeling a bit embarrassed.

“We should at least get under the blankets,” Anders said through a yawn. “I’d hate for someone to walk in on us like this.”

Spencer nodded his agreement and they shuffled around until they were snuggled together under the comforter. He was now wrapped around Anders and he sighed contentedly.

“I wonder what they think of this,” Anders whispered contemplatively. “Of us.”

“Compassion has encouraged me,” Spencer said. “I dream of her more often now.”

“He’s still quiet. I have had a few dreams like that one we shared on the coast though.”

“What do you talk about with him?”

“Mostly what I could do to help the mages here. We’ve begun leading mages out through those tunnels. I’m afraid it might not be enough.”

“We’ll think of something,” Spencer said kissing the back of his head. “Go to sleep, love. You’ll probably have another busy day tomorrow.”

“Good night, love.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has kept reading this. I apologize profusely for doing this but I probably won't be going into Acts II and III. Due to a lack of response and some personal issues I've been dealing with I've lost all interest in finishing this story. Since the OP of the prompt stopped commenting on the Kmeme it's been more of a side project than anything else.
> 
> That said, I have this almost obsessive need to finish what I begin and if I get inspired I might continue but at this point I highly doubt it. Once again I'm very sorry. These two paragraphs are sort of a pathetic end but summarize what happens at the end.

_9:37 Dragon Age, The Gallows_

The Chantry was a great pile of smoking rubble but there had only been two people inside when Anders activated the bomb they had planted. The Grand Cleric had not been one of them. Elthina had been tied and gagged, left in the cellars of his estate. Sebastian had likely already freed her. Making sure that Meredith and Orsino were the only people inside had been monumentally difficult. Spencer had insisted however and Anders had eventually agreed.

The chaos had been expected as had the reaction of Meredith’s Templars. The right of annulment had been called for but a great many mages had already been led out by Bethany through the tunnels in the Undercity. Spencer and Anders joined them as they fled, leaving Kirkwall to its fate. 


End file.
